Monday, October 10, 2011
This is it. (But it's ok.)
I think the time has come. I think it's time to end this thing.
I read, recently, that R.E.M. has broken up - after 31 years. I have alluded, elsewhere in this blog, to the fact that I was a huge fan, in the early years. It's hard to believe that they've been on the scene for over 3 decades. And it was oddly sad to hear that they are no more. I immediately wondered how they knew it was time to move on. How can anyone know? It had to be a tough call.
Same here. I've only been working at TBOGL for a couple of years - but WHAT a couple of years it has been! It has easily been the most tumultuous time of my life - with my dead love life, bad health, depression and unemployment. But the blog was never JUST about those particular concerns. I tried to document what it means to be me - albeit in a condensed, and often homogenized, form. I attempted to cover a slew of eras, and a smorgasbord of emotions. I wanted to say, "This is who I was. This is who I am. This is what I think. This is how I view the world. And this is why."
I'm an Optimistic Melancholic. I experience the world through bittersweet lenses - as it were. If I had to sum up my life in a handful of words, I think that is as close as I could come. I see the beauty, but it's always tinged with an undercurrent of sadness.
My health has been a huge issue in recent years. I had a procedure, in August, that has propelled me into a new phase. It was rough going, at first, but now things seem to be smoothing out a bit. I know, from past experience, that it won't remain this way. As I get older, things will only deteriorate - but, as of today, I'm ok. I'm half the man I was - on a good day (much, much less on a bad day) - but I'm ok. This seems, to me, to be as good a place to conclude "The Bulbs of Glacier Lilies" as any. This doesn't mean I'll disappear completely. I fully plan to begin new endeavors somewhere online. And perhaps elsewhere.
The optimistic side of me wants to make clear the notion behind the name of the blog. There's a poem in the blog, somewhere, that's entitled, "The Bulbs of Glacier Lilies." It has a somewhat different take on the subject and doesn't truly convey the pure and entire message. I guess that's a bit confusing, but, as Frank Zappa once said, "Let me straighten you out." It's about HOPE. It's about those bulbs shooting up through the snow, year after year. That's the message. Hope may be inspired from without, but it blooms from within.
I am Jimmi Blue. I am a walking, talking contradiction. Of my many facets I possess an aforementioned optimistic side. This optimistic side deems it essential to close on a positive note. For anyone who has read this rambling journal, I wish you:
PEACE.
COMPASSION.
LOVE.
And, of course,
HOPE.
I read, recently, that R.E.M. has broken up - after 31 years. I have alluded, elsewhere in this blog, to the fact that I was a huge fan, in the early years. It's hard to believe that they've been on the scene for over 3 decades. And it was oddly sad to hear that they are no more. I immediately wondered how they knew it was time to move on. How can anyone know? It had to be a tough call.
Same here. I've only been working at TBOGL for a couple of years - but WHAT a couple of years it has been! It has easily been the most tumultuous time of my life - with my dead love life, bad health, depression and unemployment. But the blog was never JUST about those particular concerns. I tried to document what it means to be me - albeit in a condensed, and often homogenized, form. I attempted to cover a slew of eras, and a smorgasbord of emotions. I wanted to say, "This is who I was. This is who I am. This is what I think. This is how I view the world. And this is why."
I'm an Optimistic Melancholic. I experience the world through bittersweet lenses - as it were. If I had to sum up my life in a handful of words, I think that is as close as I could come. I see the beauty, but it's always tinged with an undercurrent of sadness.
My health has been a huge issue in recent years. I had a procedure, in August, that has propelled me into a new phase. It was rough going, at first, but now things seem to be smoothing out a bit. I know, from past experience, that it won't remain this way. As I get older, things will only deteriorate - but, as of today, I'm ok. I'm half the man I was - on a good day (much, much less on a bad day) - but I'm ok. This seems, to me, to be as good a place to conclude "The Bulbs of Glacier Lilies" as any. This doesn't mean I'll disappear completely. I fully plan to begin new endeavors somewhere online. And perhaps elsewhere.
The optimistic side of me wants to make clear the notion behind the name of the blog. There's a poem in the blog, somewhere, that's entitled, "The Bulbs of Glacier Lilies." It has a somewhat different take on the subject and doesn't truly convey the pure and entire message. I guess that's a bit confusing, but, as Frank Zappa once said, "Let me straighten you out." It's about HOPE. It's about those bulbs shooting up through the snow, year after year. That's the message. Hope may be inspired from without, but it blooms from within.
I am Jimmi Blue. I am a walking, talking contradiction. Of my many facets I possess an aforementioned optimistic side. This optimistic side deems it essential to close on a positive note. For anyone who has read this rambling journal, I wish you:
PEACE.
COMPASSION.
LOVE.
And, of course,
HOPE.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Everything (so far) in one place.
All 5 CDs and 1 DVD. I have enough songs for several more, but who knows if I'll ever be able to record again. With all the problems and mistakes, I'm still thrilled that we were able to document this much material. Special thanks to Rick, Bert, Jake and, especially, Chuck.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Youth worshippers. (Painting by H. Flandrin.)
Is it any wonder that we romanticize youth? It is, after all, a time before our minds and bodies have become corrupted by age and knowing. No scars, blemishes or neuroses. Existing in a 99 44/100% pure reality. With a dose of High Drama.
LOVE.
HATE.
GOOD.
BAD.
YES.
NO.
Newly minted humans wear everything on their sleeves. Not knowing how to behave, they act like characters in songs and books and movies. They act as if they are invincible. Immortal. As if their actions have no repercussions. Life is Magic!
Perpetuating the sad/glorious cycle, musicians, writers, film makers and painters, will always revel in Flaming Youth. Just like you and I.
Doesn't that beautiful young man in the painting look as if his girlfriend just dumped him? I think he'll survive - and, in time, join the noble ranks of the emotionally and physically battle-scarred. The Disintegrating Inevitable, if you will.
Bitter-sweet? It breaks my heart...
LOVE.
HATE.
GOOD.
BAD.
YES.
NO.
Newly minted humans wear everything on their sleeves. Not knowing how to behave, they act like characters in songs and books and movies. They act as if they are invincible. Immortal. As if their actions have no repercussions. Life is Magic!
Perpetuating the sad/glorious cycle, musicians, writers, film makers and painters, will always revel in Flaming Youth. Just like you and I.
Doesn't that beautiful young man in the painting look as if his girlfriend just dumped him? I think he'll survive - and, in time, join the noble ranks of the emotionally and physically battle-scarred. The Disintegrating Inevitable, if you will.
Bitter-sweet? It breaks my heart...
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Closing in.
I nearly ended TBOGL, recently, but I realized I had a few more things to post. The end IS nigh, I'm afraid - but that's ok. It feels natural. Organic.
I had a very productive day, yesterday. I reached a compromise with my attorney concerning his (I think) unfair fees. He knocked $512 off of the total and wrote me a check. My sister said he was still "ripping me off," but it felt like a victory to me. I also received my final Social Security back pay check. I actually went to the bank TWICE in one day! (This is after being totally broke for many months.)
I went back to Social Services, yesterday, to have them explain why I received 2 letters, on the same day, which contradicted each other. God, this stuff seems unnecessarily complicated. Then I found an agency that helps "people who fall through the cracks" (That's me!) get medical care and help with their prescriptions. They also assist with dental care, which is great because I've recently developed a tooth ache.
How am I doing, in general? Not counting the tooth, I've been feeling pretty good. I had a weird night, recently, when my blood pressure and heart rate dropped really low - but other than that...
Stay tuned for a for a few more items, and then... the big finale.
I had a very productive day, yesterday. I reached a compromise with my attorney concerning his (I think) unfair fees. He knocked $512 off of the total and wrote me a check. My sister said he was still "ripping me off," but it felt like a victory to me. I also received my final Social Security back pay check. I actually went to the bank TWICE in one day! (This is after being totally broke for many months.)
I went back to Social Services, yesterday, to have them explain why I received 2 letters, on the same day, which contradicted each other. God, this stuff seems unnecessarily complicated. Then I found an agency that helps "people who fall through the cracks" (That's me!) get medical care and help with their prescriptions. They also assist with dental care, which is great because I've recently developed a tooth ache.
How am I doing, in general? Not counting the tooth, I've been feeling pretty good. I had a weird night, recently, when my blood pressure and heart rate dropped really low - but other than that...
Stay tuned for a for a few more items, and then... the big finale.
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