I have a plan to fix my car and that makes me feel a little hopeful. My brother-in-law said he would help and my friend Chuck is giving me a loan for parts. Thanks so much to them both.
I don't think I'm a bad person. I don't think the devil is after me. I've just had a long stretch of extremely bad luck. I don't think it's been aimed at me in any cosmic kinda way - it's just the luck of the draw. The randomness of a chaotic universe. Things just happen - good, bad and middle of the road innocuous. I am due for a little good luck, though, I think (just in case there are any benevolent forces within range of this blog).
I'm trying to do my part.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
My progress.
Isn't this gorgeous?
I'm keeping the blog apprised of any developments in my quest for wheels.
I removed the radiator and fenders yesterday. My brother-in-law said he would help me pull the front end out tomorrow. I've priced radiators and the plastic bit on the front of the car that holds the lights. It's going to be a job getting all of this back together, but I have to do it. Being broke and cold is one thing (well, actually, it's two...), but being without a ride totally sucks!
I'm keeping the blog apprised of any developments in my quest for wheels.
I removed the radiator and fenders yesterday. My brother-in-law said he would help me pull the front end out tomorrow. I've priced radiators and the plastic bit on the front of the car that holds the lights. It's going to be a job getting all of this back together, but I have to do it. Being broke and cold is one thing (well, actually, it's two...), but being without a ride totally sucks!
Friday, January 14, 2011
This disastrous life.
I was laying in bed, aching all over from the accident, with all kinds of thoughts going through my head. Thoughts like how no one gets the whole picture of what I've been through in the last few months. Everyone sees a segment. Every agency I deal with. Everyone I talk to. Segments. Facets. Bits and pieces.
I keep getting knocked the fuck down. I get up and I get flattened. Over and over.
As I was thinking about these things, I had a vision, immediate and fully formed, as clear as a Diane Arbus photo, of me, homeless, begging and dying on the street. I saw how a chain of events in a person's life could lead to hopelessness and destitution.
I have no one to love me. I have no money. I have no job. I have no prospects for a job. If I were to find a job, I'm not sure I would have the strength to keep it. I have no car. And I have, maybe, a few years left.
All of the things I held onto, as totems of positivity, are failing me now.
I had an epiphany. I saw the downward spiral - step by step. It seems, at this point, to be the logical conclusion to this disastrous life.
I keep getting knocked the fuck down. I get up and I get flattened. Over and over.
As I was thinking about these things, I had a vision, immediate and fully formed, as clear as a Diane Arbus photo, of me, homeless, begging and dying on the street. I saw how a chain of events in a person's life could lead to hopelessness and destitution.
I have no one to love me. I have no money. I have no job. I have no prospects for a job. If I were to find a job, I'm not sure I would have the strength to keep it. I have no car. And I have, maybe, a few years left.
All of the things I held onto, as totems of positivity, are failing me now.
I had an epiphany. I saw the downward spiral - step by step. It seems, at this point, to be the logical conclusion to this disastrous life.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Life keeps getting better and better.
Continuing the unending wave of misfortune that has become my life, I wrecked my car this morning. I pulled out from a stop sign and never saw the other car coming.
No one was hurt, but I was (and still am) very shaken.
I got my unemployment money yesterday and I'm broke today. I even had to borrow money for the tow truck. Now, on top of everything else - my health, my financial worries - I have no car. I have no way to even look for a job, and if I find one, no transportation.
My sister, who came out to the accident site, said, in her usual audacious, self righteous manner, "I know one thing, the devil is after you." I'm about as down and out as I can get. I have no one on my side. Horrible things keep happening to me and, apparently, according to my sister, it's my own fault.
I've always considered myself to be strong willed. Not so much, anymore. I'm ready to give up.
No one was hurt, but I was (and still am) very shaken.
I got my unemployment money yesterday and I'm broke today. I even had to borrow money for the tow truck. Now, on top of everything else - my health, my financial worries - I have no car. I have no way to even look for a job, and if I find one, no transportation.
My sister, who came out to the accident site, said, in her usual audacious, self righteous manner, "I know one thing, the devil is after you." I'm about as down and out as I can get. I have no one on my side. Horrible things keep happening to me and, apparently, according to my sister, it's my own fault.
I've always considered myself to be strong willed. Not so much, anymore. I'm ready to give up.
"I Shot Mao Zedong."
I just read that an Andy Warhol screen print of Mao Zedong, which had been owned by Dennis Hopper, recently sold for $302,500.
The screen print had 2 bullet holes, courtesy of a startled Mr. Hopper. He showed the aerated portrait to Andy. Andy circled the bullet holes, labeled them and told Dennis that he considered it a collaboration.
The work went for 10 times its highest auction estimate.
Andy would have been thrilled.
The screen print had 2 bullet holes, courtesy of a startled Mr. Hopper. He showed the aerated portrait to Andy. Andy circled the bullet holes, labeled them and told Dennis that he considered it a collaboration.
The work went for 10 times its highest auction estimate.
Andy would have been thrilled.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
THE SHAGGS REUNITED! (1999)
Thirty years after the release of "Philosophy of the World," The Shaggs reunited (minus Helen, who suffers from depression) to open for NRBQ, in NYC. NRBQ, who are fans, were instrumental in getting the girls' music reissued - once in 1980 and again in 1999.
Photo courtesy of Spin magazine.
Photo courtesy of Spin magazine.
THE SHAGGS.
The Shaggs were 3 sisters - Dot, Helen and Betty Wiggin - from Fremont, NH. They grew up dirt poor and all but completely alienated from pop culture. Their father had dreams of them becoming big stars, so he rehearsed them hard, bestowed upon them their groovy moniker and dragged the girls into a small studio in 1969. To say they weren't ready to record would be an understatement.
Their album, "Philosophy of the World," eventually found its way into the hands of a DJ, who played it on air, as a joke. Soon, Frank Zappa was saying that it was one of his favorite albums and that The Shaggs were better than The Beatles. Ahem...
It would be easy to dismiss this album as a crazy goof if it were not for the strangely touching songwriting of Dot Wiggin and the heartfelt, although somewhat unearthly, musical performances.
Rumors:
Kurt Cobain was said to have listened to "Philosophy of the World" nearly every day.
Someone is working on a Shaggs movie.
You'll either love this music, or want to shove chop sticks into your ear drums. Me, I'm of the former camp (fortunately).
The Shaggs love you! The Shaggs ROCK!
Their album, "Philosophy of the World," eventually found its way into the hands of a DJ, who played it on air, as a joke. Soon, Frank Zappa was saying that it was one of his favorite albums and that The Shaggs were better than The Beatles. Ahem...
It would be easy to dismiss this album as a crazy goof if it were not for the strangely touching songwriting of Dot Wiggin and the heartfelt, although somewhat unearthly, musical performances.
Rumors:
Kurt Cobain was said to have listened to "Philosophy of the World" nearly every day.
Someone is working on a Shaggs movie.
You'll either love this music, or want to shove chop sticks into your ear drums. Me, I'm of the former camp (fortunately).
The Shaggs love you! The Shaggs ROCK!
The Cult of the Space Heater.
Scooter, the heater worshipper. This is where he spends the majority of his time. He's devoted.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
What a life...
A person's veins constrict when it's cold
Making things more conducive to heart failure
It's odd to have to consider notions like that
What a life...
My blood pressure dipped really low this morning
I don't know why
It doesn't make much sense to me
Nothing makes much sense anymore.
I think that concepts of order and value and meaning
Don't mean so much as you age
That's why old men just say what they think
And wear funny clothes.
It's hard to latch onto something
That's inherently beyond anyone's grasp
The beliefs you clung to for most of your life
Were only ribbons of smoke.
I look in the mirror sometimes
And become entranced
That man looking at me
Who is he?
Sometimes I feel ok
Other times I think I'm ready to board the train
Life has become so unpredictable
Smoke is hard to hold.
Making things more conducive to heart failure
It's odd to have to consider notions like that
What a life...
My blood pressure dipped really low this morning
I don't know why
It doesn't make much sense to me
Nothing makes much sense anymore.
I think that concepts of order and value and meaning
Don't mean so much as you age
That's why old men just say what they think
And wear funny clothes.
It's hard to latch onto something
That's inherently beyond anyone's grasp
The beliefs you clung to for most of your life
Were only ribbons of smoke.
I look in the mirror sometimes
And become entranced
That man looking at me
Who is he?
Sometimes I feel ok
Other times I think I'm ready to board the train
Life has become so unpredictable
Smoke is hard to hold.
Life goes on.
Although it's still cold, it did get above freezing for a little while today, so the snow has begun to melt. I took a trip out to the grocery store, this morning. My car doors were frozen and I had to scrape 3 inches of snow off of my windows. The roads are slushy and muddy. Everything looks sad compared to yesterday. It's just cold and nasty now.
I didn't get much done today. I went to the ATM and checked the balance on my unemployment card, but they haven't added anything yet. Usually, it's in there by Tuesday. It cost me 2.00 to check! I washed some dishes, put my clothes away, vacuumed the floors and used the Coinstar at the Food Lion. I had about 62.00 in coins.
I HAVE to get out tomorrow and do some job searches. I'm behind this week.
Meanwhile, the cold weather will not let up. It's supposed to get into the teens sometime this week. I'll be needing propane again before I know it. I'm trying to use it sparingly, but I'm sick of freezing.
I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight and do some reading. I'm reading "Another Roadside Attraction" by Tom Robbins. I started it years ago and never finished it, for some reason. It's rare that that happens. I did it with "The Brothers Karamazov." I haven't gotten back to that one, yet...
I didn't get much done today. I went to the ATM and checked the balance on my unemployment card, but they haven't added anything yet. Usually, it's in there by Tuesday. It cost me 2.00 to check! I washed some dishes, put my clothes away, vacuumed the floors and used the Coinstar at the Food Lion. I had about 62.00 in coins.
I HAVE to get out tomorrow and do some job searches. I'm behind this week.
Meanwhile, the cold weather will not let up. It's supposed to get into the teens sometime this week. I'll be needing propane again before I know it. I'm trying to use it sparingly, but I'm sick of freezing.
I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight and do some reading. I'm reading "Another Roadside Attraction" by Tom Robbins. I started it years ago and never finished it, for some reason. It's rare that that happens. I did it with "The Brothers Karamazov." I haven't gotten back to that one, yet...
Monday, January 10, 2011
More snow...
We so rarely get snow, I couldn't help but post one more shot.
Thet thar's me holy hole.
Thet thar's me holy hole.
SNOW!!
I was really rather surprised this morning to awaken to a winter wonderland. The weather guy had been calling for rain and possibly a smidgen of snow, so I figured it would just be cold, wet and plain old nasty today.
We've gotten much more than the last time it snowed (a few weeks ago). I couldn't even see the last step on my door steps. I snapped a few pics, then took the video camera out. I filmed until my fingers were frost-bitten, then came in to post these shots.
Snow is like paint. It covers a multitude of sins.
We've gotten much more than the last time it snowed (a few weeks ago). I couldn't even see the last step on my door steps. I snapped a few pics, then took the video camera out. I filmed until my fingers were frost-bitten, then came in to post these shots.
Snow is like paint. It covers a multitude of sins.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
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