I was laying in bed, aching all over from the accident, with all kinds of thoughts going through my head. Thoughts like how no one gets the whole picture of what I've been through in the last few months. Everyone sees a segment. Every agency I deal with. Everyone I talk to. Segments. Facets. Bits and pieces.
I keep getting knocked the fuck down. I get up and I get flattened. Over and over.
As I was thinking about these things, I had a vision, immediate and fully formed, as clear as a Diane Arbus photo, of me, homeless, begging and dying on the street. I saw how a chain of events in a person's life could lead to hopelessness and destitution.
I have no one to love me. I have no money. I have no job. I have no prospects for a job. If I were to find a job, I'm not sure I would have the strength to keep it. I have no car. And I have, maybe, a few years left.
All of the things I held onto, as totems of positivity, are failing me now.
I had an epiphany. I saw the downward spiral - step by step. It seems, at this point, to be the logical conclusion to this disastrous life.
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I would never allow that to happen to you Jimmi, and I daresay there are others who would intervene as well.
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