The Music Project Pt. 12

Ok, I've tried to maintain a semblance of order during this project, but this offering is hardly cohesive. Hey, it was bound to happen at some point.
My oldest sister, who is 16 years older than me, passed down some of her albums, when I was maybe 5 or 6. "The Golden Rock Hits of Jerry Lee Lewis" was one of them. I can not stress enough how much of an influence this thing was on me. The Killer actually went back into the studio and re-recorded these songs. If you compare these versions with his original singles you can hear the difference experience makes. Jerry Lee was at the top of his game - the playing and singing on this album is authoritative and incendiary.
Another album my sister gave me was "Surfing" by The Ventures. There has hardly been a day in the last 45 years that I haven't thought about these songs. I still love this album as much as I did when I was a kid. Highly influential.
I came to Leonard Cohen rather late, but once I did, I felt as if I had known him my whole life. His first album, "Songs of Leonard Cohen" is a must have for anyone who appreciates the art of songwriting. Kurt Cobain sang, "Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld, so I can sigh eternally..." Leonard is the man!
I simply adore "Court and Spark." I don't know what else to say about this except that Joni Mitchell is a goddess and we should thank the big good thing for her.
I was a huge R.E.M. fan up until, oh, I don't know, maybe "Out of Time." Huge fan. I picked "Murmur" (their first release, not counting "Chronic Town," which was an EP) for this list because it was original, inventive and mysterious. What more can you ask for? (What was that Stipe guy singing about, anyway?)
I think the reason the Smiths weren't huge in America is because they were just so VERY British. "Louder Than Bombs," a compilation album, is packed with great songs. Moz and the boys had a firm grasp on teenage angst (Limey division).

 

The Music Project, Pt. 11

Ok. We're firmly in the 90s, now. These are four albums that restored my faith in Rock and Roll.
The first time I heard "Smells Like Teen Spirit," from Nirvana's "Nevermind," I knew something new was happening. Sadly, it only happened for one more studio album after this one. But, what a legacy.
What a voice Todd Lewis has! He can go from gently melodic to BALROG! within a couple of beats. Great songs and fierce playing makes the Toadies' "Rubberneck" a must have.
Long live the Fountains of Wayne! Someone said that their debut album was "Almost better than anything, ever!" That's about the best blurb ever. And, I wholeheartedly concur.
Teenage Fanclub actually beat out Nirvana for Spin magazine's Best Band of 1991. I guess the buying public didn't agree. It makes no difference - "Bandwagonesque" is one great frothy, crunchy, power pop of an album. (If only they had featured some out-stretched arms on the cover...)

 

The Music Project, Pt. 10

It was difficult to pick a Cocteau Twins album for this list - I am such a fan - so I grabbed one blindly. "Blue Bell Knoll," like everything else in their catalog, is a sonic treasure.
Luscious Jackson's "Fever In Fever Out" benefited greatly from Daniel Lanois' beautifully moody production. Which is not to say that the girls didn't come up with some terrific material. Because, you know, they did... (Great T.Rex sample on the song "Don't Look Back.")
No one sounds like Stereolab. "Emperor Tomato Ketchup" is probably the most user friendly unit they ever produced.
The A and R from A.R.Kane are the A and one of the Rs from M/A/R/R/S. (Think 80s dance hit, "Pump Up the Volume.") Don't let that scare you. These guys play some very odd (in a good way), other-worldly, groovy, techno jazz pop. Or something like that. It'll grow on you (like reverb).

 

The Music Project, Pt. 9

Four of my favorite soundtracks:
I was in the first group of people to see "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" in my town, in the 70s. I already owned the soundtrack, so I knew the songs - but I couldn't hear them that night. The crowd at the theater was so rambunctious that I had a snowball's chance in heck of following the story. People were screaming and running up and down the aisles. Water was flying everywhere - two girls, in front of me, had a 30 gallon trash can full. Someone cut the screen. But, forget all that - this album contains some of the most fun music you'll ever hear in a movie.
The "Austin Powers" soundtrack was put together by someone who knew what they were doing. From Brasil 66 to Ming Tea, this stuff is shag-edelic, baby.
"Velvet Goldmine" is the story of David Bowie in much the same way as "The Rose" is the story of Janis Joplin. Imagine a glam rock soundtrack with no Bowie, though! (David wanted nothing to do with it.) That's ok, there's T.Rex, Roxy Music, Eno and a glittery host of others.
Ah, "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." This is one of the most original musicals of our time. I first saw this in our local 150 year old theater. C'mon everyone, take your wig down off the shelf.

 

The Music Project, Pt. 8

Thank you Jeebus for Nina Hagen! I'm featuring a double album containing "The Nina Hagen Band" and "NunSexMonkRock." An ex-East German opera singer turned Punk Rock/Dance Diva, Nina brings good vibes to the world.
Grace Jones' "Nightclubbing" was, for years, my getting-ready-to-go-out-to-the-clubs music. Getting ready to go out used to be almost as much fun as going out. Featuring Sly and Robbie, from Black Uhuru, this album is ageless. So is Grace.
I had Robyn Hitchcock's "Globe of Frogs" on cassette, way back in the 80s, when I worked in a steak house, cutting meat. I was in the back of the restaurant, in a sealed off, refrigerated room - so I cranked it up. It always makes me think of raw meat. I wish I had told Robin that when I met him. If he has ever written a bad song, I haven't heard it.
When I first heard "Blood and Roses" by the Smithereens, I got so excited I tried to write a "Blood and Roses" style song, myself. I still get excited by that song, and everything else on "Especially for You." (I came up with the idea to do a extended arrangement of "Blood and Roses"/"Suzie Q" with one of the bands I used to play in. It works!)
I have a list in my head of Good Things in the world. The B-52's are on that list, baby. I first heard "Private Idaho" while living in Portsmouth, Va. It was love at first listen. Everyone should own a copy of "Wild Planet."
I had been writing songs since I was a kid, but when I saw Elvis Costello on Tom Snyder's "Tomorrow" show (also while living in Portsmouth), he inspired me to write what I consider to be my first real song. All I had to work with was my 1966 Fender Mustang - and it was missing 2 strings. (I was too broke to buy strings.) Elvis is one of my heroes. If you don't like "Armed Forces" then we probably can't be friends.

 

The Music Project, Pt. 7

There will be a couple of stragglers later on, but for the most part, we're in the 80s.
The photo on the cover of "Dirty Mind" (not to mention the title) just about says it all. Standing half naked against a box spring, Prince has delivered a stripped down, sexy gem. The record company thought it sounded unfinished, but Prince knew what he was doing. He always does.
Junkie, punk rock poet, writer, friend of Patti Smith and Lou Reed, Jim Carroll left us with his amazing debut, "Catholic Boy." Jim's word-play knocks me out, every time.
I love Siouxsie and the Banshees' cover collection, "Through the Looking Glass." From the Sparks to Dylan to Disney, Kraftwerk, Roxy Music, Lady Day, Television and more, they make each song a Banshees song. Which is a good thing.
"Radioactivity" is my all time favorite Kraftwerk album, but because I already wrote about it in an earlier post, I picked "Computer World" for this list. It doesn't really matter. Just because I say one is my favorite, doesn't mean I like any of the others any less - if that makes any sense. I'm a huge Kraftwerk fan.
I love everything Tears For Fears has ever done. I picked "Songs from the Big Chair" because it's the one that first caught my attention. One of the most important bands from the 80s.
Another essential 80s band is The Church. "Hey Day" features a veritable buffet of drop dead gorgeous, psychedelic tinged, paganistic, atmospheric jangle-osity. Listen to "Columbus" at your own risk. (You won't be able to exorcise it from your mind.)

 

The Music Project, Pt. 6

The Ramones, Patti Smith and Television were all 70s NY staples. Jonathan Richman? He was from Boston, of course, but he was, for a short while, a busboy at Max's Kansas City...
The first time I heard the Ramones, I said to myself, "YES!" Were they serious conceptual artists or degenerate glue sniffers? Does it matter? They should have had 100 hit songs, but that's ok - they changed the face of rock and roll instead.
Patti Smith had been doing her thing in the NY art scene since the late 60s. Plays, poetry readings, drawing. It feels like she was close to bursting when she finally got the chance to record "Horses." Her energy is almost palpable. "Horses" was produced by The Velvets' John Cale.
Oddly enough, one of the least known bands to emerge from CBGB - Television - was arguably the most talented. And they literally built the stage at the fabled punk club. The Ramones, Patti Smith, Talking Heads and Blondie all went on to bigger things. Television? They recorded one of punk rock's most gorgeously jagged footnotes: "Marquee Moon."
Also produced by John Cale, the eponymously titled debut from The Modern Lovers is a rock and roll anomaly. In the era of hippie free love and drug experimentation, the Boston band's leader/singer/guitarist/songwriter, Jonathan Richman, was "straight." Short hair, no casual sex, no drugs. He was a vegetarian. He didn't even smoke. It took some time for (a few) people to catch on to what he was doing. In the meantime, the band recorded "Roadrunner," which was a stepping stone for the punk rock movement. After the original Modern Lovers broke up, drummer David Robinson joined The Cars (another Boston band) and Keyboardist Jerry Harrison joined Talking Heads. Jonathan remains a cult hero.

 

The Music Project, Pt. 5

I tried to explain KISS for 3 years before the kids at my school finally caught on. I picked their eponymous debut mainly because it was first. I love the early makeup: Ace with silver hair, Peter's elaborate cat whiskers - and look at Gene! He's never looked more wicked. And he's not even sticking his tongue out... Great hard driving rock and roll on this one.
God bless The Sensational Alex Harvey Band! Those boys could play anything - from 30s style cabaret jazz and show tunes to hard tribal rock - often in the same song. "The Impossible Dream" is an album that continually thrills me. VAMBO RULES! OK...
I couldn't decide which Queen album to use - 1 through 4 would have done nicely - so I went with the obvious choice, "A Night at the Opera." Roy Thomas Baker said the band stacked so many guitar and vocal parts on the tape that you could see through it. The end product was well worth their Herculean studio efforts, and as ridiculously baroque as it is, there is not a single gratuitous note on the album.
I think a lot of folks saw Brownsville Station as some sort of a joke band. I mean, they did have a great sense of humor, but they were one of the hardest working rock and roll outfits around. And in Cub Coda, they had a bonafide Garage/Blues/Rock historian - a keeper of the flame. "School Punks" featured "Kings of the Party," in which Brownsville professed to be "the baddest people alive." Not too far off the mark, if you want my humble opinion.

 

The Music Project, Pt. 4

I have a very warm, fuzzy, special place in my heart for Janis Joplin, and with all due respect to Big Brother and the Holding Company and The Kozmic Blues Band, she finally got the musicians she deserved - The Full Tilt Boogie Band - on her swan song, "Pearl." According to legend, Janis was going to come back to the studio, after a short break, and put a vocal track on "Buried Alive in the Blues," but died in the interim. I think that dollop of rock and roll lore smacks of apocryphilia. (Is that a word?) The track sounds like a perfect instrumental, to me. I've always wanted to sing "Half Moon," live, but I never got the chance. I love you, Pearl.
I'm sorry, Genesis fans. I know that "Wind and Wuthering" is where a lot of you lost interest, but it's the only Genesis album I need. Just check out the bitter-sweet whimsy of "Blood on the Rooftops." It makes me feel so sad, but you know, in a good way.
"Are you ready, Steve? ("Uh huh.") Andy? ("Yeah.") Mick? ("Ok.") Alright, fellas - LET'S GOOOOO!!!" Side 1 of Sweet's "Desolation Boulevard" consists of ooey-gooey, sticky sweet Chinn and Chapman "glam rock hit machine" power pop. On side 2, the boys try stepping out on their own, with delicious, hard rocking results.
I looked long and hard to find Focus' "Hamburger Concerto" on CD. It contains the follow-up to "Hocus Pocus": "Harem Scarem." Amazing musicianship from Jan Akkerman, Thijs Van Leer and the boys. Yep, they're from Holland.
"Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" is, without a doubt, my favorite Elton John album. Four sides (on vinyl) of incredible songwriting and playing. Every song on here could have been a hit.
The Zappa cover pictured below is a Double CD of "Overnight Sensation" and "Apostrophe." "Apostrophe" is my favorite, with "ONS" coming in a hard second. I miss Frank. He was a true original and a musical genius.
Experience the pinnacle of the Mahavishnu Orchestra. "Visions of the Emerald Beyond" feels like a mystical journey. Take a Jazz-fusion fueled carpet ride.
Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" feels like a journey, also - an excursion into the murkiest recesses of the human soul. At least it's comforting to know you are not alone on this voyage.
I could have listed Eno's first 4 solo albums here - all of them classics. On "Here Come the Warm Jets," Eno displays his penchant for quirky, quasi-prog-rocking melodic noise, while keeping his tongue planted firmly in cheek - which was probably his saving grace.

 

The Music Project, Pt. 3

I grew up on white-boy blues. Later, I went back to find out where they got it from. But, the way I look at it, it doesn't matter what you look like, or where you come from, you either have the blues in you or you don't. ZZ Top has it. "Tres Hombres" is packed with great songs, and some of the dirtiest blues guitar ever. Own it, if for no other reason than "La Grange."
Robin Trower is one of my all time favorite axe slingers. The man can play one sustained note and almost make me cry. I could list 5 or 6 of his albums here, but I had to go with "Bridge of Sighs." He should be as famous as Hendrix and Stevie Ray. And HE'S still ALIVE and making music.
I don't think a week goes by that I'm not singing something from "Jesus Christ Superstar." Often, it's in the shower (for some reason). Some interesting trivia: Paul Raven (aka Gary Glitter) had a small part as a priest. Murray Head (Judas) had a hit with the song, "Superstar." He had another hit, in the 80s, with "One Night in Bangkok," a tune from the musical, "Chess," which was written by "JCS" lyricist Tim Rice and the 2 guys from Abba.
My favorite musical.
I can't tell you what an influence Edgar Winter was on me. "Roadwork" is a very live document of his band, the legendary White Trash - one of the most talented, white-boy (no one is whiter than the Texas albino brothers Edgar and Johnny Winter) blues/gospel/rhythm and blues bands ever. I'm, generally speaking, not a jam person, but "Tobacco Road" - all 17 minutes and 13 seconds of it - is the stuff.
My vote for greatest Prog Rock band ever: YES! "Fragile" features my favorite line-up: Anderson, Howe, Squire, Wakeman and Bruford. This music is so inventive, and remains oddly fresh.
Eddie Van Halen was a true innovator. He changed the way we look at rock guitar in much the same way as Hendrix did. Van Halen's self titled debut remains my favorite. Great songs, great production (by Ted Templeton) and amazing playing.
Bonnie Raitt once said that AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" was the perfect distillation of guitar, songs and vocals. Or something like that. Anyway, I agree. RIP, Bon (Scott).
The Coop warped me early on with "Killer." I remember, as a kid, taking my cassette player away from the house - and my mother - to revel in the freakiness of Alice's vision. Whenever I feel the need to show someone what rock and roll is, I play them "Under My Wheels." As far as I'm concerned, Alice Cooper is doing the lord's work.
Craving some Power Pop perfection? (Aren't we all?) Drop Cheap Trick's second outing, "In Color and Black and White" - and crank it up. It's sheer bliss.

 

The Music Project, Pt. 2

I could list nearly all of Bowie's stuff, but "Diamond Dogs" is the album that made me a fan. (A BIG fan, as mentioned in an earlier post.) David's raw guitar juxtaposed against Mike Garson's deliciously decadent, over the top, cabaret piano stylings, resulted in a moody classic - that rocks.
The Dolls were one of the greatest rock and roll bands, ever. The combination of Stones style rock and the trashy, tongue-in-cheek half-drag (as Wayne County used to call it) image resulted in pure Noo Yawk dynamite! And you gotta love "Killer" Kane on the cover. Produced by Todd Rundgren.
"Berlin" was supposed to be a huge deal, with lots of respected musicians and Bob Ezrin producing, but Lou was on a downward slide. It wasn't the big breakthrough Ezrin expected, but once they managed to prop Lou up in front of a mike, they created this seamy masterpiece. I've played it over and over, through the years, after messy break-ups.
"Joyous" best describes "The Slider." As with Bowie, Lou (with or without the Velvets) and the Dolls, I could jam most of Marc's stuff in here. Expansive production from Tony Visconti, along with the exuberant backing vocals of ex-Turtles Flo and Eddie, make this particular slide a wonderful experience. I love T.Rex! 'Nuff said.
ALL HAIL GLAM ROCK!!

 

The Music Project, Pt. 1

These are the first 4 real albums I ever bought. Beatles, Bette, Zep, Sabbath - in that order. I say first "real" albums, because I had previously purchased some of those compilation albums from K-Tel and Ronco. You know, the ones advertised on television:
"Dynamite" (22 explosive hits).
"Believe in Music" (20 of today's top hit songs).
I could put almost all of the Beatles' stuff on this list, but "Let It Be" was my first (Beatles and/or rock) album, and their last (at least in terms of release), and it has a special place in my heart. The Beatles wanted it to be raw (see: "Naked"), but it was hijacked by that crazy genius Phil Specter (see: "End of the Century" by the Ramones) and sweetened with strings and an angelic chorus. The result is a strange, dichotomous, compelling album.
A 13 year old boy, in the early 70s, in a small, rural town in North Carolina, falling in love with "The Divine Miss M?" There should have been red flags everywhere. I was too young and naive to understand all of the hoopla and implications at the time. I just knew that Bette was fabulous. And she remains DIVINE. An iconic album for gay men of "a certain age."
"Led Zeppelin II" was one of my earliest forays into hard rock. This album, recorded all over the US, while the band constantly toured, has never disappointed me, in 37 years of listening. You can feel the confidence of a band gelling on this one, but there's also a primal sense of urgency. A desert island pick.
Ok, Zeppelin whetted my cravings for noise, but where do I go from here, I asked myself? "Paranoid" was the logical next step. Black Sabbath was the baddest, noisiest band in existence, at that time. Gleefully shadowy and "evil," "Paranoid" is like a bad dream that you're digging too much to awaken from.
As you can see, I'm already all over the place musically.

 

The Music Project.

As I mentioned, in an earlier post, The Bulbs of Glacier Lilies may be wrapping up soon. I've posted writings, photos, letters and artwork from various eras of my life - and while it may not be comprehensive, it's a decent generalization of a larger picture. But now, I feel like I want to start fresh, with fresh material.
One thing I think I need to focus on, before moving on, is music. As cliched as it sounds, music has saved my life many times. As far back as I can remember, music has been the heart and soul of me. So... I'm going to do a series of albums that have changed my life. These will be the ones that I still love as much as I did the first time I heard them. Music that has played in my head for years and years. Again, comprehensive? I don't think that would even be feasible, but I'm going to try to hit on all of the biggies - mainstream and otherwise.
Ok, I've set myself up for a project. Here goes...

Here's hoping.

Goodnight world. May tomorrow be a better day.

Humbled.

I felt better yesterday than I have in ages, so I tried to get some things done - and I actually accomplished quite a bit - but I woke up this morning feeling like I might have to go to the ER. I even called my sister, just so someone would know about that possibility. My blood pressure was about 50 points higher than normal. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. My arms began to tighten and tingle. My head ached. I felt sick and fuzzy.
I drank some vinegar, took an enteric aspirin and went back to bed. After no appreciable improvement, I broke an Enalapril into quarters and took a piece. Eventually, my blood pressure subsided a bit.
I called the pharmacy about some refills. I asked the person on the line about the prices of my 3 meds. She rattled off the individual prices so fast that I couldn't compute the information. I asked her to give me a total price and she said, in a snappy tone, "Didn't you write down what I just told you?" She then went on to tell me that they were busy and she didn't have a calculator handy. I said thank you and hung up. You would think that these professionals would be highly aware that they are often dealing with sick and cloudy minded people.
After 3 failed attempts, I gathered myself together enough to go to the pharmacy, not even knowing if I had enough money for my meds. Also, my gas needle was on empty. It stays on empty these days. I drove in a haze, trying not to panic.
While I was waiting for the pharmacy technician to check the 2 discount cards I had with me - one of which was turned down the last time I tried it, even though I called the help number and they told me my pharmacy chain was included on its list - I began to notice all the folks in the pharmacy area, waiting for help. Most of them were older than me. A woman, maybe 60 years old, had on a pair of granny jean shorts, elastic at the waist and ballooning over her belly. Her hair was cut in a style that was totally unbecoming to her. It was as if she was holding onto a hairstyle of her youth. But, it no longer worked for her. Poor thing.
The men wore shorts and sandals. They attempted, for the most part, to maintain THEIR youthful hairstyles, with generally sad and dismal results. I guess I understand men better than women, so I could see how they were aware of their fading machismo. The cock of the walk turned old, soft and grey. Aching and ineffectual. No longer at the peak of their game, but struggling to maintain a manly image. I realize that I fit in with them. It's as if you don't know another way to be and by the time you figure out a new strategy, IF you figure it out, it's too late. Game over. It's a shock when you come to the realization that your few short years of "immortality" have ended. And, guess what? It seems you're mortal after all.
It's all so depressing and ridiculous. Humanity doesn't know its place in the world. We're a conflicted bunch.
The only thing I can cling onto is compassion. "Shared passion" for my fellow traveler. We are all, every one of us, clowns - sad, absurd, bumbling, sublime and beautiful in our ineptness.

My ex-wife. End of 1990.

I turned 30 in September of 1990. About 2 months later, I was hospitalized. The doctors tested me for everything imaginable before finally diagnosing me with Polyarteritis Nodosa and Henoch Schonlein Purpura.
B. and I were already divorced at this point. I took this photo of her from my bed. She's posing with my bedpan.

 

The end: Is it nigh?

For The Bulbs of Glacier Lilies? Yeah, probably.
I've been at this for the past 16 months. I've published almost 850 posts in that time. It may be time to move on.
My friend Chuck once told me that it was only a matter of time before the online community found my blog - but other than him, only 2 or 3 people have ever commented on anything. But that's not why I did this, anyway. In the last few years I have gone through a break-up, unexpectedly lost my job, wrecked my car and had numerous health issues. I'm still dealing with the consequences of these various calamities. This blog has served as a means of catharsis, an artistic outlet, as well as allowing me to document a partial history of my life - such as it is (or was). It has been therapeutic.
There are a million things about me that I haven't covered here, but I think The Bulbs of Glacier Lilies has presented a pretty good overview of my life. It informs the reader (whomever he or she may be) of my personal experience:
This is who I am.
This is where I came from.
This is how I believe.
This is what I think.
These are some things I made.
These are some of the people who shaped me, in some way.
It confirms that:
I was alive once.
And maybe I mattered to some people.
It's the closest thing to immortality that I'm capable of. So, it has not been a small accomplishment at all. At least in my mind.
Will I carry on elsewhere? Sure! I'm rather excited about creating a new platform from which to issue ALL NEW material. But, for now, I'm going to try to wrap things up with a few more postings. I probably won't hit 900, though...

Waiting for rain.

I'm sitting here, at my desk, waiting for rain. The weather guy said there was a good chance tonight. That's good news. We haven't had more than a sprinkle in months - several long, extremely hot, summer months. My yard is brown and crunchy. My plants are dying.
I dragged a big area rug out and hoisted it on top of the car. After years of wear and tear (and pets), it needs a good soaking.
C'mon rain!
It's not just rain I'm waiting for. It seems as if I'm at a juncture where all I can do is wait. Everything in my life is on hold. I have a lawyer appointment, a doctor visit and a possible medical procedure coming up.
I'm waiting.
There's no telling when I'll hear from the Social Security office about my benefits appeal.
Waiting. Checking the mail.
I spoke in previous posts about "the ghost." She (yes, it's a she) may, or may not, come to visit, at the end of the month, with grown sons in tow.
Waiting.
I've applied for some assistance from Social Services.
I'm waiting on that. (Hang on - just one more week.)
Waiting. Sitting in Limbo. (I know how you feel, Jimmy Cliff.)
Clouds.
Thunder.
Still no rain.
I'm waiting.

Letter from my friend Gerg. Pt.4.

What about people? Do we have something going on there also? I was thinking about you a day before you came to this house. Oh well, maybe it just happened by accident, but I'm not sure.
But I do know that I can change my thoughts about a situation, person or thing and I will feel different about it. But it's sometimes very hard to do it in order to be more positive or whatever. Oh yeah it also came across something in relation to that kind of thought stuff. You know that I have studied in detail the subject of cosmic awareness. Well I seem to have run across the formula, so to speak. Part of it is tuning out the world and thoughts about everything we mostly think about and just feeling self, or experiencing self. It's hard to do but sometimes easy. I guess all the exercises are really there to get better at not thinking about normal things. My personal experience however hasn't been one of a great dramatic experience. Just a sense. Of course in the past I have had some wild ones but this is different, it seems to be more grounded or stable. Let me give you their explanation as to what it should be like and you can try it if you like. Of course I'm giving along with it my personal interpretation or technique. They say the experience is like being everything but not feeling as if you are any particular thing. It's like being everywhere but not really in any particular place. And personal identity is for a time lost. I think there are different degrees of each part of the experience and sometimes it happens by itself. Like when I'm falling off to sleep. But also there is a full experience. Or maximum of it. To me this is very satisfying, but it's not a kind of thing that gets old. It really feels timeless. Anyway, I was going to give you my particular way of doing it, ok. Since everything in nature and man can be reduced to one energy, I just allow myself to be in tune by centering my THOUGHTS on that idea, and it seems to work. Just think one that's it. But the thing about all of this is that they are very good at keeping the formula hid. There's a lot of beating around the bush. And just like you if I was to call anyone who was in the organization and describe what it did to you, they wouldn't give me a clear answer as to if what I'm saying is true or not in connection with the concept they hold.
I made a boo boo. I didn't change the subject like I said I was earlier in this letter. Sorry about that. I guess I must be a boring person. So what I will do is let you finish this letter, so it won't bore you much longer. Of course this may not be true, I don't know.
Well, call me, if you want.
Make some time to get up and do the ritual if you wish. We could go beat some people up or something, and be red necks for a time. But make sure you have some Jack Daniels and a truck. And a gun. Can't go without that stuff, now can we? Oh yeah, make sure you're from the south also.
See you when I see you.
Bye.
Later.
Farewell.
I'm gone.
See you.
Sincerely,
Gergel Box

Jim,
Tell me if I seemed to repeat myself in this letter. I looked it over and I'm not sure.
Thanks.
Gergel Box

Letter from my friend Gerg. Pt.3.

"Indiana Jones." It's a good show, are you watching it? Could be better.
Anyway, if you are wondering, this letter is being wrote a little at a time over a few days, that's why the ink is lighter, not that the pen is running out but that I have switched pens on you. At this time I'm looking for your address. I won't be able to send this if it isn't found, so why am I still writing? Self answers back and says, "Because you just are." "Remarkable," I say back to self. So give me a minute. I will be looking for your address...................
Alright, I'm back. I'm even backer that that. So back that it's an absolute back, which by definition would be a back that came from nothing since it couldn't relate to any other back that ever was or could be! EYEBROWS words like BACK. Strange if you really notice them in the way some people would, like me.
Ok, a new thing. Do you ever notice how you feel when certain people are around you, mostly those who want to cause you mental problems? Or they just have a personal problem they want to dump on you? I'm finding that if you just look at them and say you won't take it, it sometimes works. Of course there are those who never change. The negative attitude. But on the other hand it all depends on what you define as negative. I have to keep reminding myself almost every day that my thoughts create my reality. What I mean by that in this particular instance (are) the long term effects of thoughts. Anyway, thoughts can be so powerful sometimes, it's wild. I don't know if you have noticed it but to me they are. They are something of a force, they must have some kind of affect on matter, but the action of them must be limited to a certain frequency because if I try to move a house with my thoughts I don't get very far. On the same note, however, they change the way I relate myself to the house. If this is so then what else is going on? One of my monographs early in my lessons used an example of a light switch being turned off or on. The signal, whatever it was, could be detected across the street INSIDE the other house, by whatever device they used. They say that thinking or thought itself has a similar trait.
Could 1984 come true?

(Comments: "EYEBROWS words like BACK." That's some sort of ill-worded Gerg-ism tangent. While I have tried to impose some order here and there for the sake of readability, I was unable to do anything with that line. It is what it is. He's obviously riffing on a thing I used to do with the word "back." As in, "I'm back. In fact, I'm backer than ever!" It originated with a line from a Creem magazine article, but we soon expanded the concept in the crazy free-form way in which we conversed with each other. We sure had a lot of fun...)

Letter from my friend Gerg. Pt.2.

So far I have (written) about me, and maybe wrote something untrue about thinking, so I'm moving to something else now. Here I go. I'm getting closer. Ok, am I there yet? Alright, I'm there. Good. So what is going on with you? Are you having fun? Do you feel good? What are your plans? Are you staying here in this area forever? How long is forever? Can we be forever? Am I asking silly questions? I can answer that. Yes is the answer. But wait, Jim, can I buy a vowel? "Ding" good choice Gerg, but it will cost you! Well you might can have everything, but I (can't). "Ding" again. "You got it. You're our lucky prize winner!!! Vanna tell the man what he has won."
Sorry about that. I sometimes get nutty.
So are you ever going to get up with me to do that ritual? If we do and there is more than two people, I will try to be more detached. Oh well that's not so important. So are you still in a band? "There's a hole in my heart" ect, ect. Or is that ETC? For some reason I'm not sure. That's a good tune, when you make it a record send one to me. I would like that, even if it's only one song. Make a copy, good idea? I have no idea as to (how) you interpret all this stuff, so be patient. Read again what seems cryptic and even ask me about any problem in this letter. I'm saying all that just to be sure. I know there is much going on, that misunderstandings can happen at any moment.
I'm not sure that I understand what I wrote here. Anyway, I want to get together. I miss you to a degree, is that good?

Letter from my friend Gerg. Pt.1. (Written after the death of our friend Mike.)

(Sorry about this letter being on one subject. I will try to find something new next time.)

Jim,
Thought I would write since I can't seem to get in contact any other way. I don't mean that in any way other than stating it as material limitation. Anyway, I wrote two other letters, one about Mike, but I read it over again and decided that it wasn't needed. I'm sure you already know how I feel about it, the same as you do. So that's why I'm not writing much about it. I don't know if there really is a reason for it. I feel that it served no purpose and is unfair. Which reminds me of the Landscaper. Yes he is still setting up conditions, which when involve myself, (aren't) what is correct for me. So I have decided once and for all time, to let him know how things will be when I'm included, otherwise I won't be there. They have other friends so losing my presence won't bother them much. All of these problems of different kinds serve me to help me become more resistant to (what) the world gives out, which of course at the time and some time after affect me in such a way that I will experience fraudulent data. Or in other words dualistic thoughts, separate realities which makes me feel as if I'm cut off, but slowly but surely I'm coming to the NON DUAL experience. It doesn't last too long but I can come to some better understanding of our world. This particular experience is very helpful because the self is expanded, so no matter how much misunderstanding from others and by myself of course, there is, things go better. It centers about this, I am, therefore I think, which is the reverse of the norm. And this is because, first we are what we think, so if we become what we think and what we think isn't true, then how can it be said that we really thought or created ourselves in a way that would give us a sensible reality? Anyhow, this is rather complex for me to talk about, so I will move on to something different.

My friend Gerg.

I worked with Greg (aka "Gerg") at the Western Steer restaurant, for about 6 years. He was a most unusual guy. In fact, it took me a while to "get" him. At first he seemed like a nut - and maybe he was a nut - but there was another level to him. He was intelligent (in spite of his often "tunnel visionary" mind-frame) and meek. Oddly spiritual and funny. Naive - in the best sense of the word. And just down right silly. Hey, we were all a bit nutty at the Steer.
He lived with his mother and step-father, even though he was in his 30s. The house was a neat-freak's nightmare. A dark, decaying abode of psychotic hoarding. There was a slim path that wound through the house into Greg's bedroom. In his room - it was more of the same. Crowded and stifling. Blankets nailed over the window.
Greg, me and another one of his friends, "Landscaper," were in his room, one day, getting high. Landscaper was going on about how Greg should clean his room up. I told him that what the place needed was a good coat of FIRE.
Greg had been married, at one point, and had 3 kids! This blew my mind. I couldn't imagine him having anything like a normal life. I mean, he didn't even drive. No car. No license. It must have taken everything he made at the restaurant to pay his child support.

The next few postings will consist of sections of a long letter Greg wrote me in March, 1992.

Like the Bulbs of Glacier Lilies.

Like the bulbs of Glacier Lilies, my heart bursts forth. Fragile, bathed in the rays of the sun - as magical and archetypal a rebirth as anything in mythic tales.
You do this to me.
My poor heart has been buried in the cold, hard, rocky substratum, waiting for a Spring unpromised.
There is life yet in this broken organ - this untidy symbol of (dare I say it?) love.
You do this to me.
I tell you this not to cause any sense of obligation. You shouldn't have any. (It would be sad if you did.)
I tell you this not to see you react. (Although, a positive reaction would open the flood gates, I'm afraid.)
I tell you this not having expectations. (But, of course, I secretly do.)
Like the bulbs of Glacier Lilies, my life (with its hope and concerns) explodes, like golden fire-birds on delicate stems.
Yes, there's life among the ruins - scattered over this craggy hillside - hopefully not just breakfast for ravenous Grizzlies.
You. Do. This. To. Me.

ZAPPA

"Stupidity has a certain charm. Ignorance does not."

 

Jim: A man and his microphone (Shure SM 58).

This was taken at a Christmas Jam, 2005.
Note one of my paintings in the background.

 

My two sisters and my brother. (1940s)

 

My dad, my two sisters and, possibly, Annie, the mule. (1940s)

Or, the horse my dad traded for my brother. Well, that's how he put it. He actually sold the horse to pay for the hospital bills when my brother was born.