Preparing to exit my 40s.

I'm turning 50 next Wednesday. Fifty. Fifty years old. One half of a century.
I never thought I would make it to 50, not with the way I lived my life. I didn't think I would make it to 40.
I'll be 14 years older than my brother when he died, at 36. And he was 12 years older than me. My dad died at 54. That's just 4 years away for me.
I can't get my mind around these facts. Being alive seems to be an especially tenuous and fragile experience these days.
I'm trying to get some of my friends together next Saturday to hang out and grill. Maybe TALK about playing some music. That's what us old guys do... The thing is, with my health, I'm up one day and down the next. I really hope I feel up to it next weekend, because hanging with my best friends is the greatest thing in the world to me. We don't get to see each other much anymore. And I would really love a nice cold beer. Mmmm, beeeerrr...