Dearest Jimmi -
Hello Jim - C. here. How are things in your world? Lately - I've been having terrible dreams about "us." I guess I've been having these dreams due to worry, stress, doubt, etc. I would try to describe these dreams to you, but it would only be what I remember and I remember only bits and pieces. I'm so STUPID - I have NO idea why I started this letter this way.
Anyway - I keep wondering what's going to happen to "us" (you, me and the new baby, that you never ask about), but then I realize it's absolutely pointless to wonder. Besides isn't ignorance - bliss?? I used to have/hold lots of promise for us...but...the longer we're apart (and the LESS I talk to you) the more that promise turns to doubt. I'm sure you feel the same - how could you not - considering our history together. Of course you must really care for me - some. Either that or you're intimidated by my persistence - or you just don't want to hurt my feelings. Maybe you feel obligated? Oh God - PLEASE don't feel obligated to me! I realize I can be a true emotional burden (UNINTENTIONALLY - of course) but if given the chance I could be better. I could be almost everything you want. Like you - I would LOVE for US to be a unified front, a team, best buddies - and maybe someday we will - but for now I'm willing to work non-stop for that better relationship. I know it's just a matter of my growing up. Please just give me a little more time. Until then - just remember: I LOVE YOU. I think you're WONDERFUL and I'd give anything just to have you care about me.
Well - I guess I'll close for now. I'm really sorry - I had no intention of writing some of the things I did - but I only wrote what came to my mind first. I'm also sorry about the penmanship - I was just too LAZY to write this over - neatly. Please understand. I love you. Write me??
Yours for as long as you'll have me -
C.
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So sad to look back on some of these letters. Emotional messes. I had only been gone a few weeks then. I remember hoping you would come for me and convince me of your undying love for me (and Chris..and the new baby..our baby) and beg me to come back to our (your) house and live happily ever after. I was so lost without you. I have been for many years after.
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