People used to love me. Sometimes in a passive/aggressive way.

(Saturday, July 6, 1991.)

Dear Jimmi,
I'm writing you this letter in hopes to make my feelings for you clear...not only to you but to myself.
Jim, I have never met anyone like you - ever. What I mean is I have never met such a sincere and genuine man - someone I feel I could share any thought with and be comfortable in telling.
I keep trying to tell myself to just give you some time and eventually you'll feel the same about me, but after last night I'm not really sure of what to expect and I know definitely not to assume anything of you. I mean honestly - you knew I was planning on coming over - so where were you? I tried to call around 9:30 pm or so, you didn't answer so I waited a few minutes then decided to drive on over - of course you weren't home, then around 12:00 am I drove back. I was really worried - why didn't you leave a note or message with James at work? At least then I would have only been upset or disappointed for not getting to be with you, but no instead you had to leave me to wonder if you were ok. Why would you do that to me or anyone else for that matter? Regardless of your reasons I hope you're ok. Because of last night I realized just how much you're beginning to mean to me. I find myself thinking about you all the time.
I know I'm being totally unfair to you by still being married, but I've been wondering would my being single make you want to be with me any more or is my marriage a good excuse or is it our ages or my having a child?
Whatever the case I must know how you feel about me and I need to know the truth - now. I need to know if I'm wasting my time on a relationship going nowhere - not that it would make much difference because whether you like me or not I still will care for you - a lot. I know you think it's silly and premature of me to tell you I love you, but honestly Jim I do love you and the more I'm with you the harder it is for me to be without you. I don't want to scare you off - that's the last thing I'd want to do. I just want you to know how much you mean to me and how much I love being with you. I think you're the greatest.
Well, I guess I'll go. I hope to talk to you or see you soon. I'll be thinking about you.

Love always,
C.

PS If you don't want to see me anymore don't be afraid to tell me. I would be ok. It might hurt but I would be ok.
Maybe you could write me?