Sunday, May 1, 2011

In a dream, last night...

My sleeping problem continues. I slept a little last night, woke up early this morning, then, eventually, fell back asleep. When I did, I had a crazy dream.
I was an adult (I'm not sure what age, exactly) and I was with my mom. One of my sisters was there. I can't remember which one. I was holding the old Silvertone guitar my dad used to have. They were cheap guitars, but now they're collectors items (think Jack White or Beck). I strummed a few chords and they sounded awesome - real jazzy. My mom gave me a disapproving look. She made some negative remarks. I knew, in the dream, that she had never loved me. I said as much to her. Me, her and my sister got into an argument, but my mom remained cool, detached and disdainful throughout. Did I say cool? Cold.
I tried to play the guitar again. Nothing came out right. I couldn't play.
I attempted to get others to see my position (my cousin showed up, at one point). Everyone made me feel as if I were nuts. "Your mom raised you and took care of you! How disrespectful..!" But, I knew, in my heart, that my mom had never loved me. I felt so alone.
In another part of the dream, I was a child, riding a bicycle in my sister's house. My niece, who is only 11 months younger than me, was riding also, with her dad on the back. I rode out into the yard and then into the woods. I found a puppy. She was a mixed breed, and even though she was a baby, she was quite large. I picked her up and kept riding. Further in the woods, I found the rest of the litter. While the first puppy was mostly black and seemed to be part Spaniel, the rest looked like St. Bernards - mixed with some other large dog. There were about 6 of them. The rest of the puppies were wilder than mine (yes, I had decided to keep her) and I couldn't catch them.
Upon inspecting my puppy, I noticed her belly was covered in red bumps, like the measles. My cat (my long gone Bo?) casually reached out and dug his claws into the puppy's belly, as if doing his own inspection. I had to remove his paw from the poor diseased puppy. I took her to the vet. I told him I was concerned about the rest of the puppies in the woods, as the high at the end of the week was going to be 19 degrees - even though it was late spring. I couldn't see any way those puppies would survive.

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