In a dream last night I realized...

In a dream last night I realized that my dad didn't really spend much time with me when I was a kid. Well, I only knew him as a kid - he died when I was 14. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad. He was a good guy. But, he was always busy.
He never taught me to swim. Or took me to the movies. He never played catch with me or taught me any games involving balls. And, even though he liked baseball, he never took me to any games.
I never went skating until I was old enough to go myself. I never learned any card games until I was married. My dad never took me bowling or taught me to shoot pool. Of course, he didn't shoot pool or bowl or play cards or skate himself.
He never taught me to drive a car.
I've always thought that not knowing these things shaped me in a big way. I'm shy and afraid of new experiences. I'm awkward in social situations, which is why I've, historically, always depended on some kind of mind altering substance in order to function in a group.
Oh no - I don't want to sound like my problems are the result of my dad never teaching me to throw a ball. I don't blame my dad for anything. Even whipping me with a belt (his belt, brown leather, rectangular buckle with his initials on it). He did the best he could. He worked really hard. And he did take me fishing some. He showed me how to tie tackle and bait a hook. He taught me a little walk-up from an open E to a G chord on the guitar. And I can't wrap an extension cord up without thinking of him. I told him it was like going around your elbow to get to your thumb - which was one of his expressions - and he laughed. One of the few times I remember connecting with him.

It wasn't his fault. I'm not like anyone in my family.

Even though I had a brother and two sisters, I'm basically an only child. They were (are) so much older than me that I barely remember any of them living at home. My sisters seem more like aunts.
And with my parents being older, well, all of my grand parents were dead before I was born. I remember when I heard kids at school say they were going to their grandparents house for the weekend, I would be secretly envious. I had no idea what that would be like.
So, I grew up alone. I think that's why I loved to read and why I had such a full fantasy life.