I'm waiting to see the cardiologist at the end of September. I feel as if valuable time is being squandered. Like I need something done right now. There's something amiss with my heart, something amiss within the core of my being. I'm a house of cards - there's an emptiness at the center of my structure - and it could all come tumbling down at any moment. That's a frightening feeling.
Everyone says "Relax," "Take it easy," "Don't over do it," and they mean well, but with my condition, it doesn't matter what I do. When it comes time to happen, it's gonna happen. I have no control over it. There are really no steps to take to prevent an occurrence, to lessen the risk, other than the medication.
The new meds are making me feel awful. I'm tired, sluggish, dizzy, shaky, jumpy and I can't sleep or think clearly. I'm a mess. I'm hoping it's just the meds making me feel this way. If so, it could be that after my body adjusts to them, I'll feel better. But, I'm not overly confident that that's going to be the case. I think this may be my new reality.
I keep a phone within reach at all times. If I walk from one side of a room to the other, I take the phone. Those who know me, know I'm not a phone person, but, you know, it's the new reality I alluded to.
I'm re-reading books that I love. Re-watching movies that mean something to me. I just watched "Manhattan" for the umpteenth time. Boy, that Mariel Hemingway breaks my heart every time...
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