People used to love me.

May 10, 1981

Dear Jimmi,

I don't really know what to say. I'm not even sure if you'll get this letter. I hope if you get this you will at least read it, read it to the end. Well, here goes nothing.
Jimmi, I know I have no right to say this, but I love you, I really do. I realize that you have someone else now. It's tearing me apart to know I gave you up. You, darling Jimmi, the only good thing I ever had. Oh God, I love you so much! I wish somehow someway I could change all the things I did to you. I know you must think I'm a nothing, I think even less of myself. I know you said I'll get over it, yet I don't want to. I just want to punish myself. I did that when I let you go and I will continue until I die. I want to kill myself but I don't have the guts to do it. All I ever wanted was to be your wife, but I gave that up like the fool I am. I guess you know I don't make little mistakes, I make mistakes that affect my whole life. Just like coming into the service. When I let you go I made a mistake that would not only last 4 to 6 years, I made one that I would regret for the rest of my life.
The most important thing in my life is still your happiness and if I am in some way interfering in that happiness tell me and I will try my hardest to stop bothering you. I have tried so many times but yet I have called your house anyway. I guess it's good that you weren't there. The only thing I can think about is how good you were to me. How you were always there when no one else was there. Now there's no one. I always thought I could be a loner, now I'm seeing how wrong I was.
I love you J____ ______ ______. If you've read this far you're probably laughing saying "she's such a fool!" You always said I'd never find anyone like you. You were right!
I think about how wrong I did you! The suffering I put you through making you move here and getting your mom mad at you. You've got a great mom, she really cares about you. I hope you see that, I think you do. I know it took me a while to appreciate how great my parents were, now I never forget it.
I'm wearing your ring, I hope you don't mind. If you want it back I'll understand and get it back to you as soon as possible.
Is there anything you need? If so please let me know. I wondered if you would mind if I gave you one last thing for your 21st birthday. I got something very special I want to give you for that birthday, something I owe you.
I'll stop here. I love you Jimmi. I'll never stop loving you. Take care, I hope you are happy. I miss you very much.
(Smiley face) "Be happy!"

All my love,
K.