Trying to explain.

I'm really trying to be positive - I am - but I feel like I need to express what's going on with me.
I keep having these horrible dreams about losing my job. In them, I have angry confrontations with the people involved (the guilty parties). I had one last night. It was awful.
I never feel "good" anymore: My heart feels weak, as if it's flopping around in my chest, instead of beating strong and snug. If it were a car engine, I'd say the motor mounts were bad. There's a kind of tightness and aching in my head, like it's clogged up, that makes me slow and hazy. My arms often feel tight and they tingle. I get chills, then hot flashes. I have no energy and no enthusiasm for anything. I can't lift anything heavy. I have mini panic attacks and I'm scared to go anywhere. And then, of course (scariest of all), there's the V-Tach.
There are so many things I can no longer eat. You can't imagine how bland food is without salt. I can't drink even one beer or a glass of wine. Or a cup of coffee. Or a glass of tea. Although I'm often thirsty, I never want to drink anything, for some odd reason - even water. It's the strangest thing. I have to make myself drink.
I look at people in the grocery store and notice that they all seem ok. They're talking and smiling and buying beer and chips and cigarettes. I often feel as if I can barely function. It's hard to even deal with the cashiers. "How are you?" they ask. "I'm good. How are you?" I say, even though I feel like I'm going to pass out and I'm worried about making it home. The only time I feel half-way ok is when I'm in bed. It's as if I have aged, physically, 25 years, in the past couple of years - having the health issues of a 75 year old. A 75 year old with bad health.
Is it any wonder no one wants to become involved with me? I don't blame them.
For most of my life I took my health for granted. I now realize it's the most precious thing anyone has.