It's just a little over 2 hours 'til 2011.
2011!
As usual (at least for the last 5 years), I'm at home, alone, waiting for ABC to drag out poor old Dick Clark (well, old, anyway) and drop the ball in Times Square. Or, I guess I could watch Andy Cohen's Wig Drop, over at Bravo. ("You DON'T want to be tardy for THIS party!")
Anyway, the point is I'm alone. On New Year's Eve. Once again. Period.
Happy New Year, everyone. Please be careful out there.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Working Title.
I told my friend Chuck that I wanted to make a film. Being the great guy he is, he loaned me a camera! Today was a nice warm day, for a change, so I went out and shot some footage. I think I got some pretty good stuff.
I had originally wanted to keep similar subject matter on individual tapes, to make editing easier. I can see now that that's not going to work. I just need to label the tapes and have a list of what's on there, in order of shooting (if at all possible).
I'll keep the blog apprised of my progress.
For now, it's just called "Working Title."
I had originally wanted to keep similar subject matter on individual tapes, to make editing easier. I can see now that that's not going to work. I just need to label the tapes and have a list of what's on there, in order of shooting (if at all possible).
I'll keep the blog apprised of my progress.
For now, it's just called "Working Title."
GLOW-RAY, son of SYMBOLS.
Another Western Steer restaurant ticket doodle, from the late 80s. It has the inscription, "ART EES WOT U WONT IT TOO BEE" from my little book, "Theme Furor."
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Almost 2011.
I'm still reeling from all that has happened to me in the last few months. I'm sure some people think I should just get over it, but I've got some deep emotional wreckage to dig through - not to mention the practical concerns of health AND employment in this crazy economy. Given a similar situation, I'd like to see THEIR recovery efforts! To anyone who doesn't understand, know this: I'm doing the best I can - even though my best may not seem very good at all, to an outside party.
The day after tomorrow will be 2011! I'm going to formulate some sort of plan for the new year. Not so much a resolution. More like a map. I've got some big decisions to make. I may have to take some perilous risks.
I'm sure Woody Allen was being facetious when he said, "Change is death." But, when you've experienced a shit-storm of tribulation, you will gladly take change, no matter what it means.
(He also said you have to keep moving, like a shark...)
The day after tomorrow will be 2011! I'm going to formulate some sort of plan for the new year. Not so much a resolution. More like a map. I've got some big decisions to make. I may have to take some perilous risks.
I'm sure Woody Allen was being facetious when he said, "Change is death." But, when you've experienced a shit-storm of tribulation, you will gladly take change, no matter what it means.
(He also said you have to keep moving, like a shark...)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The trouble with Pigs in Blankets. A dream.
I was riding in a car with Dr. McCoy, from "Star Trek." He started thinking that he would like some fig newtons, so we stopped at a convenience store. Well, to borrow a phrase from comedian Jerry Clower, Bones had done flung a craving on me. I told him that I would like some, too. We went in, bought our boxes of fig newtons and got back on the road. When we reached our destination, which was where McCoy worked - a convenience store, no less - I pulled my box out of my bag and opened it up. It wasn't fig newtons at all, but pigs in blankets! You know, the kind you make with wieners and store bought biscuits. Only they hadn't used wieners. They had used Vienna sausages. And they were really erratic - some were mostly blanket, while some pigs looked downright chilly, having nearly no blanket at all. I showed all of this to Bones. He said, yeah that happens sometimes, but it's ok, they charged you the same as me (as if that made it alright somehow).
At about that point, the alien dignitaries arrived.
At about that point, the alien dignitaries arrived.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A White DAY AFTER Christmas.
We don't get much snow where I live, so it's always a treat when we do get some. It's coming down pretty hard right now, but the high today is supposed to be 34 degrees, so the snow probably won't stick. Oh well, it's pretty while it lasts.
Friday, December 24, 2010
From the cover of the December edition of "Reader's Digest."
Because, I just LOVE IT when people dress up their cats.
Christmas thoughts.
I saw a couple dressed like Santa and Mrs. Claus in front of a store the other day. What really attracted my attention was their costumes - they were really high quality. Very "authentic." Then, Mrs. Claus pulled out a pack of cigarettes and fired one up!
Mrs. Claus smokes.
I remember a Christmas, as a kid, when my parents must have been pretty broke. I mean, I never got much for Christmas anyway, but that year, I got a shirt, some socks and a bible! It was everything I could do to keep from showing my disappointment. I nearly cried. Little kids don't want clothes for Christmas. And, a bible?! Jeez...
We have a bag lady in our town. She's an old black woman who stands on the side of the road with a bunch of shopping bags, filled with sticks and stuff. She'll stand there for hours, like she's waiting for a bus. It makes me think of the song "Delta Dawn." She paints her face with lip stick and wears crazy hats with things stuck to them. She's pretty much a fixture and the locals barely notice her anymore.
I saw her Christmas shopping the other day. She was wearing some red, green and gold ornaments, and her bags, which were blocking an isle in the store, had plastic poinsettias interspersed among her usual dead flora. Someone told me that the local Hardee's gives her free food. I hope she's safe and warm and has a good Christmas, wherever she is.
It doesn't feel like Christmas at all when you're broke, out of work and have no one to spend it with. I'm going to cook my turkey loaf and watch "Fanny and Alexander." At least I have some propane for heating.
I remember the Christmas when my brother's first daughter was born. I was 16.
My mom, my 2 sisters and my brother all lived side by side. Me, my niece L, who was only 11 months younger than me (still is), her brother B and my other nephew, D, were the only ones at home on Christmas day. Everyone else was at the hospital. That was a strange Christmas. When the baby finally did come home, she was swaddled in a big red Christmas stocking. I bet kids born on Christmas get cheated when it comes to birthday gifts...
Mrs. Claus smokes.
I remember a Christmas, as a kid, when my parents must have been pretty broke. I mean, I never got much for Christmas anyway, but that year, I got a shirt, some socks and a bible! It was everything I could do to keep from showing my disappointment. I nearly cried. Little kids don't want clothes for Christmas. And, a bible?! Jeez...
We have a bag lady in our town. She's an old black woman who stands on the side of the road with a bunch of shopping bags, filled with sticks and stuff. She'll stand there for hours, like she's waiting for a bus. It makes me think of the song "Delta Dawn." She paints her face with lip stick and wears crazy hats with things stuck to them. She's pretty much a fixture and the locals barely notice her anymore.
I saw her Christmas shopping the other day. She was wearing some red, green and gold ornaments, and her bags, which were blocking an isle in the store, had plastic poinsettias interspersed among her usual dead flora. Someone told me that the local Hardee's gives her free food. I hope she's safe and warm and has a good Christmas, wherever she is.
It doesn't feel like Christmas at all when you're broke, out of work and have no one to spend it with. I'm going to cook my turkey loaf and watch "Fanny and Alexander." At least I have some propane for heating.
I remember the Christmas when my brother's first daughter was born. I was 16.
My mom, my 2 sisters and my brother all lived side by side. Me, my niece L, who was only 11 months younger than me (still is), her brother B and my other nephew, D, were the only ones at home on Christmas day. Everyone else was at the hospital. That was a strange Christmas. When the baby finally did come home, she was swaddled in a big red Christmas stocking. I bet kids born on Christmas get cheated when it comes to birthday gifts...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
"Mary Ann in Autumn."
My good friend Chuck just sent me this book as a holiday gift. I knew it was being written, but I didn't know it was already out. I was so excited to receive it. I read half of it last night (I would have kept going, but I could no longer keep my eyes open) and finished it tonight. What fun! God, I love those characters. I only hope that this isn't the last in the series - although, after 32 years, I worry about what might happen to some of our gang. And Armistead isn't getting any younger, either. But, as Mary Ann realizes, you have to appreciate the NOW. (Although, the past has a way of sneaking up to your door, sometimes...)
Thanks again, Chuck!
Thanks again, Chuck!
From "A Room with a View."
"We fight for more than Love or Pleasure; there is truth. Truth counts, Truth does count."
E. M. Forster
E. M. Forster
In (stupid) dreams.
I did golf course work, for almost 17 years, until just recently. After a series of bizarre events, I was let go - with no explanation.
It haunts me.
Last night, I had a dream that I was on the golf course, working. I had a rake and I was attempting to tidy up an area. Some golfers, a man and a woman, rode by in a cart. The woman looked at what I was doing and said, "Oh, that looks a lot better." Then it dawned on me: I don't work here anymore. Taking pride in what I was doing, I wanted to finish it, but I was afraid that my ex-boss was going to come along and make me leave.
Just before I woke this morning, I was having a dream that I was making a grilled cheese sandwich. I reached into the bread bag and pulled out a one dollar bill, as if it were a slice of bread. I reached back in for the second "slice" and pulled out a twenty. I remember thinking that I couldn't use a twenty dollar bill just to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I reached back into the bag, looking for another single. It was all twenties, except for a lone ten. I couldn't make my sandwich.
It haunts me.
Last night, I had a dream that I was on the golf course, working. I had a rake and I was attempting to tidy up an area. Some golfers, a man and a woman, rode by in a cart. The woman looked at what I was doing and said, "Oh, that looks a lot better." Then it dawned on me: I don't work here anymore. Taking pride in what I was doing, I wanted to finish it, but I was afraid that my ex-boss was going to come along and make me leave.
Just before I woke this morning, I was having a dream that I was making a grilled cheese sandwich. I reached into the bread bag and pulled out a one dollar bill, as if it were a slice of bread. I reached back in for the second "slice" and pulled out a twenty. I remember thinking that I couldn't use a twenty dollar bill just to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I reached back into the bag, looking for another single. It was all twenties, except for a lone ten. I couldn't make my sandwich.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
R.I.P.
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."
Steve Landesberg (Detective Arthur Dietrich on "Barney Miller.")
Steve Landesberg (Detective Arthur Dietrich on "Barney Miller.")
Sun, moon, stars.
Today is the winter solstace. That means the days begin to lengthen.
That's great news to me.
In a unique occurrance, early this morning, there was a total eclipse of a full moon. That's the first time these celestial phenomena have coincided since 1638! Also, there was a meteor shower.
Imagine that.
If only I could read into this some wonderful message for mankind.
Peace on earth.
That's great news to me.
In a unique occurrance, early this morning, there was a total eclipse of a full moon. That's the first time these celestial phenomena have coincided since 1638! Also, there was a meteor shower.
Imagine that.
If only I could read into this some wonderful message for mankind.
Peace on earth.
Chance to be.
I wish I was a million miles away
In another time and place
Among good people, the climate warm
Healthy, happy, whole.
I wish I could erase
Days and days and days
Recreate the past, tidy it up
Make it all work out.
A dream that often comes
Is a dream of calm and order
Where the lunacy dissolves
And the world makes sense again.
If everything should stop
If it all comes crashing down
When the dust settles, I'll be at peace
The great weight will be lifted.
I wish I was a million miles away
In another time and place
Where no one knew what a fool I was
And this child had a chance to be.
In another time and place
Among good people, the climate warm
Healthy, happy, whole.
I wish I could erase
Days and days and days
Recreate the past, tidy it up
Make it all work out.
A dream that often comes
Is a dream of calm and order
Where the lunacy dissolves
And the world makes sense again.
If everything should stop
If it all comes crashing down
When the dust settles, I'll be at peace
The great weight will be lifted.
I wish I was a million miles away
In another time and place
Where no one knew what a fool I was
And this child had a chance to be.
Monday, December 20, 2010
My mom.
I want to note that today, December 20, 2010, is the 25th anniversary of the passing of my mom. She is sorely missed. I think about her almost every day. I only hope that someone will remember me in that way, once I'm gone.
Since my mom died a few days before Christmas, it has tinged my view of the holiday. When she was living, she seemed to be the focal point of the celebration. Everyone gathered at her home. Christmas is a good deal more somber to me now.
It just occurred to me that, as of this year, I have lived as many years without her as with her.
Since my mom died a few days before Christmas, it has tinged my view of the holiday. When she was living, she seemed to be the focal point of the celebration. Everyone gathered at her home. Christmas is a good deal more somber to me now.
It just occurred to me that, as of this year, I have lived as many years without her as with her.
"MEMOS." (Epilogue.)
I don't know these people. They are total strangers. I don't even know how I came across this note pad. But, 30 years ago, these guys had a wonderful time - what, for me, would be a trip of a lifetime. They went to New York, Paris, Germany and London. Throw in California and I would die a contented man.
I'm an out of work 50 year old with a heart condition. I'm all alone. I'll never make it to Europe. I'm glad that Don and whoever wrote this thing (Carol?) made it. They ate, drank and enjoyed the people and sights. I hope they are still living and having a wonderful life somewhere. (I never did figure out where home was for them...)
I'm an out of work 50 year old with a heart condition. I'm all alone. I'll never make it to Europe. I'm glad that Don and whoever wrote this thing (Carol?) made it. They ate, drank and enjoyed the people and sights. I hope they are still living and having a wonderful life somewhere. (I never did figure out where home was for them...)
"MEMOS."
Tues. Nov. 18 (Note: 1980)
Up by 7:30. Several inches of snow outside. On the road by 9:00 after a nice breakfast at Howard Johnson's (I miss my croissant). From 5-12 inches of snow all the way home. Elmira has 9 inches and the children are home because school is closed.
Home again by 11:30 am.
(Note: In the very back of the memo pad, there is a detailed list of all expenses. It says "Total cost of trip $1506.32." Though, underneath that it says, "Carol's plane tickets = $1154.00." My feeling is that the actual total, including plane tickets, was $2660.32.)
Up by 7:30. Several inches of snow outside. On the road by 9:00 after a nice breakfast at Howard Johnson's (I miss my croissant). From 5-12 inches of snow all the way home. Elmira has 9 inches and the children are home because school is closed.
Home again by 11:30 am.
(Note: In the very back of the memo pad, there is a detailed list of all expenses. It says "Total cost of trip $1506.32." Though, underneath that it says, "Carol's plane tickets = $1154.00." My feeling is that the actual total, including plane tickets, was $2660.32.)
"MEMOS."
Mon. Nov. 17
Up at 7:30. Breakfast before 9:00. Take a taxi to the Tower of London. It is raining and windy but not cold. The Tower is just as depressing as I always imagined it to be. Managed to hook up with a tour at the Bloody Tower. Guards are not really called Beef-eaters but Yeoman Wardees and they must have spent at least 22 years in the British army or air force with no crimes and an honorary discharge plus 2 service medals on foreign soil. Their reward for service was set by King Henry VIII (49 pence while in service - that's per month - and 1 pound per month upon retirement). They also receive a salary. The Crown Jewels are fantastic - never saw such gems and gold beyond imagination. Visited Beauchamp (pronounced Beecham) Tower. Inscriptions on walls made by prisoners. The white tower is the original and contains an unbelievable amount of armour and ornaments. Bought Yorkie Bars and caught a taxi for hotel and Heathrow. Our last pint at Heathrow. I had Courage beer. Lunch on plane of chicken, rice, green beans, cheese, ice cream sundae, white wine.
Arrive at J.F.K. Airport at 4:30 pm. Through customs quickly. Take bus to La Guardia (bus driver very rude compared to those we encountered in Europe). Arrive at La Guardia to learn that Elmira airport is closed because of snow! Reschedule flight on American Airlines to Syracuse - another new city for me. Arrive in Syracuse at 8:30 pm. Snow is very heavy and deep. Rent a car and drive only as far as a nearby Howard Johnson's motel. Not as luxurious as those we have been staying in - but clean and warm - what else do you really need?
Walked in snow to restaurant for hamburger dinner - we sure are back in the U.S. Call the kids - 6 inches of snow on ground at home. We are both asleep before 11:00 pm.
Up at 7:30. Breakfast before 9:00. Take a taxi to the Tower of London. It is raining and windy but not cold. The Tower is just as depressing as I always imagined it to be. Managed to hook up with a tour at the Bloody Tower. Guards are not really called Beef-eaters but Yeoman Wardees and they must have spent at least 22 years in the British army or air force with no crimes and an honorary discharge plus 2 service medals on foreign soil. Their reward for service was set by King Henry VIII (49 pence while in service - that's per month - and 1 pound per month upon retirement). They also receive a salary. The Crown Jewels are fantastic - never saw such gems and gold beyond imagination. Visited Beauchamp (pronounced Beecham) Tower. Inscriptions on walls made by prisoners. The white tower is the original and contains an unbelievable amount of armour and ornaments. Bought Yorkie Bars and caught a taxi for hotel and Heathrow. Our last pint at Heathrow. I had Courage beer. Lunch on plane of chicken, rice, green beans, cheese, ice cream sundae, white wine.
Arrive at J.F.K. Airport at 4:30 pm. Through customs quickly. Take bus to La Guardia (bus driver very rude compared to those we encountered in Europe). Arrive at La Guardia to learn that Elmira airport is closed because of snow! Reschedule flight on American Airlines to Syracuse - another new city for me. Arrive in Syracuse at 8:30 pm. Snow is very heavy and deep. Rent a car and drive only as far as a nearby Howard Johnson's motel. Not as luxurious as those we have been staying in - but clean and warm - what else do you really need?
Walked in snow to restaurant for hamburger dinner - we sure are back in the U.S. Call the kids - 6 inches of snow on ground at home. We are both asleep before 11:00 pm.
"MEMOS."
Sun. Nov. 16
Breakfast in hotel coffee shop at 10:30. I have bacon, eggs and a wonderful croissant. The bacon is meatier than ours. Don has grilled kippers which are also very tasty. Leave the hotel and walk along the Green Park to Buckingham Palace to see the very end of the changing of the guard. Guards wear long grey overcoats. The weather is nice. I only have to wear my blazer, no coat. Walk to Westminster Abbey and take short tour. Walk past Parliament buildings to pier and take sight-seeing boat up the Thames to Greenwich. Many interesting sites and we went under the tower bridge. The Cutty Sark is in Greenwich. It is a beautiful clipper ship, the rigging is amazing. Also saw the Gypsy Moth which Sir Frances Chichester sailed around the world in 1968 - so tiny. Walked up hill to the Royal Observatory, a beautiful building designed by Sir Christopher Wren. Stood with one foot in the western and one foot in the eastern hemisphere. Greenwich is quite picturesque. Took a bus back to London. Rode one a short way then took #53 as far as Westminster pier. You can see a lot from a double decker bus. Walked along St. James Park to Buckingham Palace and back to hotel. It was getting cold so we needed coats for the evening. Left the hotel at 6:00 to go to Shepherd's Market. Stopped at a Middle Eastern restaurant for dinner. Wonder why the pubs are closed. Find out that alcohol cannot be served until 7:00 pm on Sunday. Dinner was humus ( mashed chick peas, garlic, etc.), pita bread, sheik kopta (lamb meatloaf), rice, salad and wine. After dinner some window shopping - I like pill boxes. Then to the King's Arms for beer (Don) and cider (me). Next to the Bunch of Grapes where I have a shot of Glenfiddich. The Bunch of Grapes has a resident Basset Hound with the saddest eyes. He knows the regular patrons and they buy him pretzels and peanuts - he can open the bags himself. Pub has a nice coal fire in an open fireplace. Don walks me back to the hotel and goes on to try a few more pubs. Call from Richard Egland - very nice.
Breakfast in hotel coffee shop at 10:30. I have bacon, eggs and a wonderful croissant. The bacon is meatier than ours. Don has grilled kippers which are also very tasty. Leave the hotel and walk along the Green Park to Buckingham Palace to see the very end of the changing of the guard. Guards wear long grey overcoats. The weather is nice. I only have to wear my blazer, no coat. Walk to Westminster Abbey and take short tour. Walk past Parliament buildings to pier and take sight-seeing boat up the Thames to Greenwich. Many interesting sites and we went under the tower bridge. The Cutty Sark is in Greenwich. It is a beautiful clipper ship, the rigging is amazing. Also saw the Gypsy Moth which Sir Frances Chichester sailed around the world in 1968 - so tiny. Walked up hill to the Royal Observatory, a beautiful building designed by Sir Christopher Wren. Stood with one foot in the western and one foot in the eastern hemisphere. Greenwich is quite picturesque. Took a bus back to London. Rode one a short way then took #53 as far as Westminster pier. You can see a lot from a double decker bus. Walked along St. James Park to Buckingham Palace and back to hotel. It was getting cold so we needed coats for the evening. Left the hotel at 6:00 to go to Shepherd's Market. Stopped at a Middle Eastern restaurant for dinner. Wonder why the pubs are closed. Find out that alcohol cannot be served until 7:00 pm on Sunday. Dinner was humus ( mashed chick peas, garlic, etc.), pita bread, sheik kopta (lamb meatloaf), rice, salad and wine. After dinner some window shopping - I like pill boxes. Then to the King's Arms for beer (Don) and cider (me). Next to the Bunch of Grapes where I have a shot of Glenfiddich. The Bunch of Grapes has a resident Basset Hound with the saddest eyes. He knows the regular patrons and they buy him pretzels and peanuts - he can open the bags himself. Pub has a nice coal fire in an open fireplace. Don walks me back to the hotel and goes on to try a few more pubs. Call from Richard Egland - very nice.
"MEMOS."
Sat. Nov. 15
Danny's birthday is the same day as Prince Charles'. I hope both have a great day. British papers full of speculation over Charles' choice of a wife. Smart man is in no hurry. Paper also refers to Ronald Reagan as "King Ron". Keith and Sandra come to flat early for sticky buns and coffee. Sandra brings gifts of custard powder and a beer kit. I really like her, she is so bright and cheerful. Keith takes round-about route to New Castle rail station. Houses and countryside just as I had pictured it. Would like to know the Bohills better.
Train leaves New Castle at 12:00 noon. We have reserved seats. Lunch is served almost immediately. I drink more cider and have a cold meat and salad platter for lunch plus apple and blackberry pie with heavy fresh cream for dessert. Riding the train is great - so relaxing. The country side is beautiful but very wet.
Arrive at King's Cross Station just before 3:00 pm - 450 miles in 3 hours!
Cab takes us down Wimpole street on way to hotel. The Intercontinental Hotel is very lavish. As we stood at the desk to register I saw a lady wearing a chinchilla hat and coat that probably cost as much as our whole house. The amount it costs to spend 2 nights here more than pays 1 month of our mortgage.
After short rest in our room and checking on missing bag - it has not yet arrived - we head for Harrods department store. What a mob. Very hard to see anything. I buy a toast rack just to have something from Harrods. The store is beautifully lit on the outside for Christmas.
Find a Reject China shop and buy some pretty China jewelry. Stop at my first British pub. They open at 5:30 pm and close at 11:00 pm (also open from 11:00 am to 3:00 pm). Do not like Guinness stout. Walk past the Victoria and Albert museum. Return to hotel - still no bag.
Leave hotel and walk up Park Lane to Oxford Circus. Park Lane is very exclusive. I never saw so many Rolls Royce autos before. People going into the Grosvenor House in full evening dress. Oxford Circus has stores more like we could afford to shop in. Cabbie took us from Oxford Circus to the Seashell seafood restaurant where we stood in a "que" (sic) (line) for fish and chips in paper in a take away (carry out). The food was great, we ate as we walked and enjoyed every bite. Stopped in a pub for beer and cider to wash down dinner. Then we walked past the U.S. embassy on Grosvenor Square - a huge ugly modern building. After much walking we discovered Shepherd's market and the King's Arms pub. The decor is very early and rustic. The whole area is full of narrow streets, shops, pubs and restaurants. We shall return. Walk back to hotel. Air France has finally delivered the bag.
Danny's birthday is the same day as Prince Charles'. I hope both have a great day. British papers full of speculation over Charles' choice of a wife. Smart man is in no hurry. Paper also refers to Ronald Reagan as "King Ron". Keith and Sandra come to flat early for sticky buns and coffee. Sandra brings gifts of custard powder and a beer kit. I really like her, she is so bright and cheerful. Keith takes round-about route to New Castle rail station. Houses and countryside just as I had pictured it. Would like to know the Bohills better.
Train leaves New Castle at 12:00 noon. We have reserved seats. Lunch is served almost immediately. I drink more cider and have a cold meat and salad platter for lunch plus apple and blackberry pie with heavy fresh cream for dessert. Riding the train is great - so relaxing. The country side is beautiful but very wet.
Arrive at King's Cross Station just before 3:00 pm - 450 miles in 3 hours!
Cab takes us down Wimpole street on way to hotel. The Intercontinental Hotel is very lavish. As we stood at the desk to register I saw a lady wearing a chinchilla hat and coat that probably cost as much as our whole house. The amount it costs to spend 2 nights here more than pays 1 month of our mortgage.
After short rest in our room and checking on missing bag - it has not yet arrived - we head for Harrods department store. What a mob. Very hard to see anything. I buy a toast rack just to have something from Harrods. The store is beautifully lit on the outside for Christmas.
Find a Reject China shop and buy some pretty China jewelry. Stop at my first British pub. They open at 5:30 pm and close at 11:00 pm (also open from 11:00 am to 3:00 pm). Do not like Guinness stout. Walk past the Victoria and Albert museum. Return to hotel - still no bag.
Leave hotel and walk up Park Lane to Oxford Circus. Park Lane is very exclusive. I never saw so many Rolls Royce autos before. People going into the Grosvenor House in full evening dress. Oxford Circus has stores more like we could afford to shop in. Cabbie took us from Oxford Circus to the Seashell seafood restaurant where we stood in a "que" (sic) (line) for fish and chips in paper in a take away (carry out). The food was great, we ate as we walked and enjoyed every bite. Stopped in a pub for beer and cider to wash down dinner. Then we walked past the U.S. embassy on Grosvenor Square - a huge ugly modern building. After much walking we discovered Shepherd's market and the King's Arms pub. The decor is very early and rustic. The whole area is full of narrow streets, shops, pubs and restaurants. We shall return. Walk back to hotel. Air France has finally delivered the bag.
"MEMOS."
Fri. Nov. 14
The weather is terrible, cold windy and rainy. Met Pat Agar, house keeper at the flat, she knows several people we do and visited Corning 2 years ago. Spent the day resting and watching BBC.
Keith and Sandra picked us up for supper at 7:30. Drove to Durham. Dinner at Royal County Hotel, which has housed kings and queens for 500 years (Mary Tudor, Charles I, Queen Victoria, et al.) Had very tasty Mushrooms Provencal (with onions and tomatoes), pigeon, which was tough but very tasty and trifle for dessert - not the best trifle however. Also had dry cider which was very good. After dinner we walked narrow twisting cobble stone streets to Durham Cathedral (to be a city you must have a cathedral) and Durham Castle. The castle is now used as a college dorm - imagine living in rooms 900 years old!! Just as we arrived at the beautiful Gothic cathedral the lights went out. Then as we arrived at the castle they went out there. What power we have!!
The weather is terrible, cold windy and rainy. Met Pat Agar, house keeper at the flat, she knows several people we do and visited Corning 2 years ago. Spent the day resting and watching BBC.
Keith and Sandra picked us up for supper at 7:30. Drove to Durham. Dinner at Royal County Hotel, which has housed kings and queens for 500 years (Mary Tudor, Charles I, Queen Victoria, et al.) Had very tasty Mushrooms Provencal (with onions and tomatoes), pigeon, which was tough but very tasty and trifle for dessert - not the best trifle however. Also had dry cider which was very good. After dinner we walked narrow twisting cobble stone streets to Durham Cathedral (to be a city you must have a cathedral) and Durham Castle. The castle is now used as a college dorm - imagine living in rooms 900 years old!! Just as we arrived at the beautiful Gothic cathedral the lights went out. Then as we arrived at the castle they went out there. What power we have!!
"MEMOS."
Thurs. Nov. 13
Woke up at 8:30. Don still sleeping at 10:45. We will see no more of Paris today. Check out of room at 11:45. Buy pictures of Paris for us and friends. Walk down the Rue de la Congress one last time to buy pastries (an Eclair for Don and a Napoleon for me). Eating fried pastry while walking down a French boulevard is like a dream come true. Take bus to Charles De Gaulle Airport - a really nice place - lots of people movers. Bought small gifts at duty free shop for Keith and Sandra. Chocolates are so expensive you can spend over $250.00 for a large box. Flight to London nice, we were served a snack on the plane - caviar, pate, shrimp, fruit, cheese, tiny pastries and champagne. One last taste of France!
Arrive in London at 2:35. Our small black suit case is missing. Air France gives us nice cases filled with necessities and promises to try to track down the bag. Had my first cup of tea in England. Next stop New Castle. Met by Keith and Sandra Bohill at airport. New Castle is 900 years old, but hard to see at night. Flat is in Whitburn Village, very old town - beautiful. Keith and Sandra take us to dinner. Had a drink of straight malt whiskey - very good. Dinner was lamb cooked with small onions and carrots in a wine flavored sauce, potatoes and assorted cooked vegetables. Crepes Normandy for dessert (crepes filled with applesauce). After dinner we drove back along the North Sea. Stopped to see cliffs that used to hide pirates - now a pub and restaurant on that spot.
(Note: The next page contains an address for Keith and Sandra in England. It's now 30 years old, but I'm thinking of writing them.)
Woke up at 8:30. Don still sleeping at 10:45. We will see no more of Paris today. Check out of room at 11:45. Buy pictures of Paris for us and friends. Walk down the Rue de la Congress one last time to buy pastries (an Eclair for Don and a Napoleon for me). Eating fried pastry while walking down a French boulevard is like a dream come true. Take bus to Charles De Gaulle Airport - a really nice place - lots of people movers. Bought small gifts at duty free shop for Keith and Sandra. Chocolates are so expensive you can spend over $250.00 for a large box. Flight to London nice, we were served a snack on the plane - caviar, pate, shrimp, fruit, cheese, tiny pastries and champagne. One last taste of France!
Arrive in London at 2:35. Our small black suit case is missing. Air France gives us nice cases filled with necessities and promises to try to track down the bag. Had my first cup of tea in England. Next stop New Castle. Met by Keith and Sandra Bohill at airport. New Castle is 900 years old, but hard to see at night. Flat is in Whitburn Village, very old town - beautiful. Keith and Sandra take us to dinner. Had a drink of straight malt whiskey - very good. Dinner was lamb cooked with small onions and carrots in a wine flavored sauce, potatoes and assorted cooked vegetables. Crepes Normandy for dessert (crepes filled with applesauce). After dinner we drove back along the North Sea. Stopped to see cliffs that used to hide pirates - now a pub and restaurant on that spot.
(Note: The next page contains an address for Keith and Sandra in England. It's now 30 years old, but I'm thinking of writing them.)
Sunday, December 19, 2010
"MEMOS."
Wed. Nov. 12, 1980
Wake up call at 6:30. Don has to get to the plant today. Breakfast is coffee or tea and a basket of rolls, Croissant, Brioche, Danish, and hard rolls with asst. jelly and butter. The weather is cold but not as bad as in Munich. Left the hotel at 9:30 and walked through the shopping center to the Metro. Took Metro to the Louvre. This station has has paintings and statues displayed in cages in the walls. The Louvre is huge. Have trouble finding the entrance. Meet a man returning home to L.A. from Morocco. He too is looking for the entrance. We decide to tour the Louvre together. It is nice to have someone to talk to. Saw the Mona Lisa and Venus De Milo plus many many others. Tom Shoda later told me that if you spent 3 minutes in front of every exhibit in the museum it would take 18 years to tour the Louvre. My new friend bought me a glass of wine and then we said goodbye. He was off to visit another museum. I was off to Notre Dame. The walk along the Seine from the Louvre to Notre Dame is lovely. Saw some picturesque barges with lace curtains and small gardens on their decks. Notre Dame is incredibly beautiful. From a distance the stone work is almost lacy in appearance. The cathedral is huge inside. Lit a candle to Our Lady of Notre Dame. Climbed the tower, a really long and twisting climb but the view of the city was great. Even saw a juggler in a park nearby. Time to find the Metro and return to the hotel. My feet hurt terribly.
Got back to hotel at 3:15. Don returns at 5:30. We share a bottle of champagne and get ready for dinner. Meet Henri and Tom at 7:30, take Metro to Montmartre, a beautiful old part of the city crowned by the Sacre Coure (the Basilica of the Sacred Heart). From the Metro station to the Basilica is a long climb. Don lit a candle in the church - now off to dinner. Come to a small square where artists are selling paintings and see some we like, but too expensive (250 to 350FF). The restaurant is perfect, low beamed ceiling, red checkered table cloths, music provided by a violinist and a pianist - just like something out of a book. It is great to have Henri with us to handle the French - tonight we will know what we are ordering.
Before dinner we drink Kiri and I like it. Dinner was great. I had snails with plenty of garlic butter, Don had turine of rabbit, which was very good and served with chopped gelled meat pieces. I had Bouillabaisse (fish stew) served with small pieces of toast, cheese and a tasty sauce. Don had slices of roast wild pig in a sauce - both dishes were excellent. I was also served a plate with 2 crayfish on it. Fromage (cheese) had an excellent Roquefort. Desert was Peache Melba, delicious, then coffee and for me tea. After dinner we walk down from Montmartre through the Pigalle before catching the Metro. Pigalle is very dirty and busy and full of cafes, food stands and x-rated sex shows, both live and on film. There are hundreds of places devoted to sex. The Moulin Rouge is also in Pigalle. This place is like nothing I've ever seen before. Took Metro to the Arche de Triomphe and had a champagne cocktail (sugar, bitters, cognac and champagne) at the Winston Churchill Bar. My feet were killing me but we had to walk back to the hotel because it was 1:30 and the Metro was closed. Got to the room at 2:00. What a great day!!
Wake up call at 6:30. Don has to get to the plant today. Breakfast is coffee or tea and a basket of rolls, Croissant, Brioche, Danish, and hard rolls with asst. jelly and butter. The weather is cold but not as bad as in Munich. Left the hotel at 9:30 and walked through the shopping center to the Metro. Took Metro to the Louvre. This station has has paintings and statues displayed in cages in the walls. The Louvre is huge. Have trouble finding the entrance. Meet a man returning home to L.A. from Morocco. He too is looking for the entrance. We decide to tour the Louvre together. It is nice to have someone to talk to. Saw the Mona Lisa and Venus De Milo plus many many others. Tom Shoda later told me that if you spent 3 minutes in front of every exhibit in the museum it would take 18 years to tour the Louvre. My new friend bought me a glass of wine and then we said goodbye. He was off to visit another museum. I was off to Notre Dame. The walk along the Seine from the Louvre to Notre Dame is lovely. Saw some picturesque barges with lace curtains and small gardens on their decks. Notre Dame is incredibly beautiful. From a distance the stone work is almost lacy in appearance. The cathedral is huge inside. Lit a candle to Our Lady of Notre Dame. Climbed the tower, a really long and twisting climb but the view of the city was great. Even saw a juggler in a park nearby. Time to find the Metro and return to the hotel. My feet hurt terribly.
Got back to hotel at 3:15. Don returns at 5:30. We share a bottle of champagne and get ready for dinner. Meet Henri and Tom at 7:30, take Metro to Montmartre, a beautiful old part of the city crowned by the Sacre Coure (the Basilica of the Sacred Heart). From the Metro station to the Basilica is a long climb. Don lit a candle in the church - now off to dinner. Come to a small square where artists are selling paintings and see some we like, but too expensive (250 to 350FF). The restaurant is perfect, low beamed ceiling, red checkered table cloths, music provided by a violinist and a pianist - just like something out of a book. It is great to have Henri with us to handle the French - tonight we will know what we are ordering.
Before dinner we drink Kiri and I like it. Dinner was great. I had snails with plenty of garlic butter, Don had turine of rabbit, which was very good and served with chopped gelled meat pieces. I had Bouillabaisse (fish stew) served with small pieces of toast, cheese and a tasty sauce. Don had slices of roast wild pig in a sauce - both dishes were excellent. I was also served a plate with 2 crayfish on it. Fromage (cheese) had an excellent Roquefort. Desert was Peache Melba, delicious, then coffee and for me tea. After dinner we walk down from Montmartre through the Pigalle before catching the Metro. Pigalle is very dirty and busy and full of cafes, food stands and x-rated sex shows, both live and on film. There are hundreds of places devoted to sex. The Moulin Rouge is also in Pigalle. This place is like nothing I've ever seen before. Took Metro to the Arche de Triomphe and had a champagne cocktail (sugar, bitters, cognac and champagne) at the Winston Churchill Bar. My feet were killing me but we had to walk back to the hotel because it was 1:30 and the Metro was closed. Got to the room at 2:00. What a great day!!
"MEMOS."
Tues. 11-11-80
Up about 8 to take one more walk around the old city. Bought beer stein for Don Hodges and gifts for the kids. Had coffee, tea and wonderful pastries at small coffee shop near city hall. Stopped to watch Glockenspiel because Don hadn't seen it. Revisited the open air food market - the variety is fantastic. Back to hotel to pack. Did get laundry back - I messed up that one. We had just 1/2 hr. before we had to leave for the airport and decided to try shop at Hofbrauhaus so Don can get a tee shirt. They were open. Buy shirts for Don and Danny.
Guards at the airport have such nasty looking large guns.
On flight I see the Alps for the first time. We can only see the part that rises above the clouds but they are still beautiful. Arrive in Paris at 3:30. Take bus from Orly airport to Air France station at Invilides, then take cab up the Champs Elysee. The hotel is huge and has its own large shopping center. After 3 telex messages we sent from Munich they still only had reservation for 1 person for 1 night. No problem, room rate is 320ff for 1 and 390ff for 2. Got settled in room and went to shops to buy bottle of champagne. Tom Shoda arrives with red wine, long thin loaf of bread and cheese. After enjoying Tom's gifts in our room we take off for first evening in Paris. It is a national holiday just like it is in the U.S.A. Tom says it snowed in Horseheads today. We walked to the Arc de Triomphe which is all lit up and guarded by soldiers because of the holiday. It is much larger than I ever imagined. We walked up the Champs Elysee past shops and cafes and theaters. The Lido was one of these.
Everything was very busy and very crowded and it was about 8:30 already. Stopped at a restaurant that had a seafood stand outside. We can't communicate very well with the waiter and we can't read the menu. Had onion soup with bread and cheese on top and then we mistakenly ordered a platter of ham hocks, asst. sausages, boiled potatoes and Sauerkraut! The food tasted good but was a disappointing choice on our part. After bread and cheese Tom and I split an order of Crepe's Flambe which were not so great. Coffee is thick and strong. We sat next to a tank of live lobsters - they were large and beautiful. After dinner we continued up the Champs Elysee to the Concorde where it ends. Then we took the Metro back to the hotel. Metro seems to be easy to use. I will try it tomorrow. Back to our room by 12:30. The city is still crowded and busy.
Up about 8 to take one more walk around the old city. Bought beer stein for Don Hodges and gifts for the kids. Had coffee, tea and wonderful pastries at small coffee shop near city hall. Stopped to watch Glockenspiel because Don hadn't seen it. Revisited the open air food market - the variety is fantastic. Back to hotel to pack. Did get laundry back - I messed up that one. We had just 1/2 hr. before we had to leave for the airport and decided to try shop at Hofbrauhaus so Don can get a tee shirt. They were open. Buy shirts for Don and Danny.
Guards at the airport have such nasty looking large guns.
On flight I see the Alps for the first time. We can only see the part that rises above the clouds but they are still beautiful. Arrive in Paris at 3:30. Take bus from Orly airport to Air France station at Invilides, then take cab up the Champs Elysee. The hotel is huge and has its own large shopping center. After 3 telex messages we sent from Munich they still only had reservation for 1 person for 1 night. No problem, room rate is 320ff for 1 and 390ff for 2. Got settled in room and went to shops to buy bottle of champagne. Tom Shoda arrives with red wine, long thin loaf of bread and cheese. After enjoying Tom's gifts in our room we take off for first evening in Paris. It is a national holiday just like it is in the U.S.A. Tom says it snowed in Horseheads today. We walked to the Arc de Triomphe which is all lit up and guarded by soldiers because of the holiday. It is much larger than I ever imagined. We walked up the Champs Elysee past shops and cafes and theaters. The Lido was one of these.
Everything was very busy and very crowded and it was about 8:30 already. Stopped at a restaurant that had a seafood stand outside. We can't communicate very well with the waiter and we can't read the menu. Had onion soup with bread and cheese on top and then we mistakenly ordered a platter of ham hocks, asst. sausages, boiled potatoes and Sauerkraut! The food tasted good but was a disappointing choice on our part. After bread and cheese Tom and I split an order of Crepe's Flambe which were not so great. Coffee is thick and strong. We sat next to a tank of live lobsters - they were large and beautiful. After dinner we continued up the Champs Elysee to the Concorde where it ends. Then we took the Metro back to the hotel. Metro seems to be easy to use. I will try it tomorrow. Back to our room by 12:30. The city is still crowded and busy.
"MEMOS."
Mon. 11-10-80 (Note: We finally have a year...)
Wake up call at 7:00, my body still says it's the middle of the night. Breakfast of tea (coffee), juice and ass. rolls with butter and an assortment of jams. Don off to the exhibition. I inquire about Nymphenburg Palace, but all museums are closed on Mondays. Weather is cold, cloudy, slight dusting of snow on roof tops. Went to see the Glockenspiel on the new city hall. A large crowd gathered to watch. The chimes lasted about 10 minutes and the figures danced. There was also a joust and one rider fell. It is just too cold to walk around and I am too intimidated by the language to try and shop by myself, so I return to the hotel.
Went out to dinner with Don's Japanese friends - a Japanese restaurant in Munich. Great food - raw fish, small piece of raw squid, raw beef all dipped in small bowel of sauce, quick fried veg. to dip in another sauce, fish and shell fish quick fried and flavored with garlic to dip in yet another sauce, delicious beef and bean sprouts quick fried + sauce and rice. Soy bean soup with small chunks of tofu and sea weed in it, desert was slightly sauteed fruit (kiwi, apples, pineapple, bananas, and maraschino cherries) with raisin ice cream all flamed and served with a sauce. Until soup and dessert, I ate everything with chop sticks. I sure made Mr. Sumii laugh at my efforts. Mr. Kobota gave Don a lovely Saki set and Mr. Kowata gave me a beautiful Japanese doll. I think the restaurant was in Schwaberg. After one drink in the hotel we took a midnight stroll and then to bed.
Wake up call at 7:00, my body still says it's the middle of the night. Breakfast of tea (coffee), juice and ass. rolls with butter and an assortment of jams. Don off to the exhibition. I inquire about Nymphenburg Palace, but all museums are closed on Mondays. Weather is cold, cloudy, slight dusting of snow on roof tops. Went to see the Glockenspiel on the new city hall. A large crowd gathered to watch. The chimes lasted about 10 minutes and the figures danced. There was also a joust and one rider fell. It is just too cold to walk around and I am too intimidated by the language to try and shop by myself, so I return to the hotel.
Went out to dinner with Don's Japanese friends - a Japanese restaurant in Munich. Great food - raw fish, small piece of raw squid, raw beef all dipped in small bowel of sauce, quick fried veg. to dip in another sauce, fish and shell fish quick fried and flavored with garlic to dip in yet another sauce, delicious beef and bean sprouts quick fried + sauce and rice. Soy bean soup with small chunks of tofu and sea weed in it, desert was slightly sauteed fruit (kiwi, apples, pineapple, bananas, and maraschino cherries) with raisin ice cream all flamed and served with a sauce. Until soup and dessert, I ate everything with chop sticks. I sure made Mr. Sumii laugh at my efforts. Mr. Kobota gave Don a lovely Saki set and Mr. Kowata gave me a beautiful Japanese doll. I think the restaurant was in Schwaberg. After one drink in the hotel we took a midnight stroll and then to bed.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
"MEMOS."
Sunday Nov. 9
Don wanted to get up early, but we slept until 11:15. He got up and hurried to the electronics exhibition. I am on my own today. The weather is cool and very cloudy.
Left the hotel at about 1:00 and started walking. Retraced many steps from yesterday, but this time I could identify some of what I saw. Visited Frauenkirche built in 1486. It's very impressive. Also saw Peterskirche built in 1050 but only saw the outside. Also saw outside of Residenz. Wanted to walk to the Hofgarten but it was so cold I decided to return to the hotel at 3:30. This afternoon a Greek tourist tried to pick me up - offered to buy me a cup of coffee, flattering but not something I wanted to do. Don got back at 5:30 and after doing some paper work we decided to go out for dinner at 7:30. We wanted to eat at the Hafnbauer which we finally found after a couple of false starts. However we did not have reservations and the restaurant was full. Returned to the hotel restaurant Johreszieten Ecke. Don had oxtail stew - very good - I had chicken leg stuffed with liver and marrelll mushrooms - also good but Don's was better. Had a good Riesling wine because it was the only one I could pronounce. For desert I had a nut cream with vanilla sauce - very light and good. Don had vanilla Bavarian cream with raspberry sauce. The cream was heavier than mine and the sauce was too overpowering. Tonight we were in bed by 9:30.
Don wanted to get up early, but we slept until 11:15. He got up and hurried to the electronics exhibition. I am on my own today. The weather is cool and very cloudy.
Left the hotel at about 1:00 and started walking. Retraced many steps from yesterday, but this time I could identify some of what I saw. Visited Frauenkirche built in 1486. It's very impressive. Also saw Peterskirche built in 1050 but only saw the outside. Also saw outside of Residenz. Wanted to walk to the Hofgarten but it was so cold I decided to return to the hotel at 3:30. This afternoon a Greek tourist tried to pick me up - offered to buy me a cup of coffee, flattering but not something I wanted to do. Don got back at 5:30 and after doing some paper work we decided to go out for dinner at 7:30. We wanted to eat at the Hafnbauer which we finally found after a couple of false starts. However we did not have reservations and the restaurant was full. Returned to the hotel restaurant Johreszieten Ecke. Don had oxtail stew - very good - I had chicken leg stuffed with liver and marrelll mushrooms - also good but Don's was better. Had a good Riesling wine because it was the only one I could pronounce. For desert I had a nut cream with vanilla sauce - very light and good. Don had vanilla Bavarian cream with raspberry sauce. The cream was heavier than mine and the sauce was too overpowering. Tonight we were in bed by 9:30.
"MEMOS."
Sat. Nov. 8
Sunrise at 1:30 am New York time. Cloudy, breakfast of orange juice "slush", tea, and blueberry muffins. Arrive in Frankfurt at 8:45 German time (2:45 New York). Left Frankfurt after changing planes at 10:10. (Everything from now on is German time.) Weather is cold, cloudy. Arrive in Munich at 11:00. Not even asked to show passport. Airport smaller than I expected. Took cab to hotel. The weather is beautiful, bright and sunny - they had snow a few days earlier, but it's all gone now. The hotel is impressive, lots of polished dark wood, carpets and shining crystal. Clerk cannot find our reservation, but gives us room 370. Very nice room done mainly in green, has twin beds pushed side by side. Refrigerator bar stocked with beer, wine, pop and Underberg - which is something to soothe the stomach. After Don showers and I soak in a bubble bath, we take maps and are ready to explore. We went out at about 3:30, it was cloudy, cool and damp. Streets full of bustling people. We walked and walked, just enjoying watching people, shop windows, the distinctive architecture and reading menus posted outside of restaurants. Stopped for a beer in a small bar and restaurant. Then we got slightly lost but found our way back to hotel with help of map. Walked to Hofbrauhaus only a couple of blocks from hotel. What a fantastic place - very large, people sit at long tables, Bavarian band plays occasionally and people sing alone or in groups when ever they feel like it. Waitress can carry 6 1 liter mugs of beer at a time. Joined by a group of Swedish business men, led by a German who spoke English - very nice people. Went upstairs for dinner. Waitress was hearty both in manner and build. She controlled her tables with an iron hand but was very nice to us. We had homemade liver sausage, chunky and delicious Regensburg sausage and a sauerkraut that was almost sweet in flavor. Then we had roast ham hocks with 2 kinds of dumplings and salad. Don had a liter of Boch beer that was dark and quite sweet. Dinner was a great experience. People have been eating and drinking at the Hofbrauhaus since 1589! Back at the hotel we met Mr. Kobota and 3 other Japanese associates and had a drink at the bar. Very pleasant ending to a fabulous day.
Sunrise at 1:30 am New York time. Cloudy, breakfast of orange juice "slush", tea, and blueberry muffins. Arrive in Frankfurt at 8:45 German time (2:45 New York). Left Frankfurt after changing planes at 10:10. (Everything from now on is German time.) Weather is cold, cloudy. Arrive in Munich at 11:00. Not even asked to show passport. Airport smaller than I expected. Took cab to hotel. The weather is beautiful, bright and sunny - they had snow a few days earlier, but it's all gone now. The hotel is impressive, lots of polished dark wood, carpets and shining crystal. Clerk cannot find our reservation, but gives us room 370. Very nice room done mainly in green, has twin beds pushed side by side. Refrigerator bar stocked with beer, wine, pop and Underberg - which is something to soothe the stomach. After Don showers and I soak in a bubble bath, we take maps and are ready to explore. We went out at about 3:30, it was cloudy, cool and damp. Streets full of bustling people. We walked and walked, just enjoying watching people, shop windows, the distinctive architecture and reading menus posted outside of restaurants. Stopped for a beer in a small bar and restaurant. Then we got slightly lost but found our way back to hotel with help of map. Walked to Hofbrauhaus only a couple of blocks from hotel. What a fantastic place - very large, people sit at long tables, Bavarian band plays occasionally and people sing alone or in groups when ever they feel like it. Waitress can carry 6 1 liter mugs of beer at a time. Joined by a group of Swedish business men, led by a German who spoke English - very nice people. Went upstairs for dinner. Waitress was hearty both in manner and build. She controlled her tables with an iron hand but was very nice to us. We had homemade liver sausage, chunky and delicious Regensburg sausage and a sauerkraut that was almost sweet in flavor. Then we had roast ham hocks with 2 kinds of dumplings and salad. Don had a liter of Boch beer that was dark and quite sweet. Dinner was a great experience. People have been eating and drinking at the Hofbrauhaus since 1589! Back at the hotel we met Mr. Kobota and 3 other Japanese associates and had a drink at the bar. Very pleasant ending to a fabulous day.
"MEMOS."
Fri. Nov. 7
Marge Fasick drove us to the airport. Her brother-in-law "Fuzz" gave us a tour of the new fire fighting and emergency building at Chemung Co. airport. Left Chemung Co. on U.S. Air at 11:15 and arrived at JFK in New York at 11:50.
Had lunch at the International Buffet Restaurant. The food was average, but the price expensive. 23.75 + tip.
Spent hours walking around the international terminals. Thursday was very long. Finally boarded Pan Am 747 flight 72 at 5:50. Found out we were in Clipper Class - "free" drinks, headphones, etc. Plane had to wait for 70 passengers on delayed connecting flight. Finally off the ground at 7:00.
Very good white wine Le Pappillon de la Reine. Chicken dinner with pate, wine, rice, green beans, ice cream.
(Note: After this entry, there is a detailed 2 page list of expenses, including: Taxis, lunch, lockers, tips, bus fare, rooms, beer, drinks with Japanese men, show, postcards and souvenirs, laundry, cigars, etc. It notes at the beginning that all totals are in Deutsche Marks.)
Marge Fasick drove us to the airport. Her brother-in-law "Fuzz" gave us a tour of the new fire fighting and emergency building at Chemung Co. airport. Left Chemung Co. on U.S. Air at 11:15 and arrived at JFK in New York at 11:50.
Had lunch at the International Buffet Restaurant. The food was average, but the price expensive. 23.75 + tip.
Spent hours walking around the international terminals. Thursday was very long. Finally boarded Pan Am 747 flight 72 at 5:50. Found out we were in Clipper Class - "free" drinks, headphones, etc. Plane had to wait for 70 passengers on delayed connecting flight. Finally off the ground at 7:00.
Very good white wine Le Pappillon de la Reine. Chicken dinner with pate, wine, rice, green beans, ice cream.
(Note: After this entry, there is a detailed 2 page list of expenses, including: Taxis, lunch, lockers, tips, bus fare, rooms, beer, drinks with Japanese men, show, postcards and souvenirs, laundry, cigars, etc. It notes at the beginning that all totals are in Deutsche Marks.)
"MEMOS." (Introduction.)
I love finding scraps of paper with notes on them. I've sometimes found letters. Often, people leave interesting bookmarks in used books: Airline tickets, receipts, pictures. I even like to find grocery lists left in shopping carts. It's a glimpse into someone else's life.
I found this tiny memo pad, recently, while going through some of my things. I haven't a clue where it came from. It certainly wasn't written by anyone I know. After leafing through it, I felt a need to document it. It's a snapshot of a stranger. Things like this fascinate me.
(Note: The hand writing in this pad is small, tight and hard to read, and many of the place names, etc., are foreign. I've attempted to preserve the spellings used in the text and correct them when necessary and possible. Please forgive me for any misspellings.)
I found this tiny memo pad, recently, while going through some of my things. I haven't a clue where it came from. It certainly wasn't written by anyone I know. After leafing through it, I felt a need to document it. It's a snapshot of a stranger. Things like this fascinate me.
(Note: The hand writing in this pad is small, tight and hard to read, and many of the place names, etc., are foreign. I've attempted to preserve the spellings used in the text and correct them when necessary and possible. Please forgive me for any misspellings.)
Just checking in.
I'm back from Chapel Hill. It was a very long day. The trip up and back was one thing, but I had to under-go several tests while there and they were constructing a new wing, so, apparently, space was at a premium. It took forever to get access to rooms for the EKG, Ultrasound and the doctor consultation. And to see the financial aid specialist.
My condition seems to be unchanged, so, at least, it hasn't gotten any worse. After interrogating my device, my cardiologist said that I have had no recorded instances of V-tach since starting the new meds. He did raise some troubling issues with me, though. One thing we talked about was the looming device replacement surgery. I'll have to have that done in about a year. It's going to be a HUGE bill. That's another concern we talked about.
I should be dead. Under normal circumstances, I would be. I'm being kept alive through medications and high tech devices. It's unnatural. I think about that a lot.
Oh well, I'm just happy to be here - whatever the reason.
My condition seems to be unchanged, so, at least, it hasn't gotten any worse. After interrogating my device, my cardiologist said that I have had no recorded instances of V-tach since starting the new meds. He did raise some troubling issues with me, though. One thing we talked about was the looming device replacement surgery. I'll have to have that done in about a year. It's going to be a HUGE bill. That's another concern we talked about.
I should be dead. Under normal circumstances, I would be. I'm being kept alive through medications and high tech devices. It's unnatural. I think about that a lot.
Oh well, I'm just happy to be here - whatever the reason.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Facing the facts.
I met someone today. Someone I had been talking to online. It won't amount to anything, but it is evidence, I think, of my willingness to keep trying. To carry on. After everything I've been through, and taking into account my current health issues, I think I deserve some praise for making an effort. For not giving up hope.
I'm going to Chapel Hill in the morning. I have to get up rather early - it's a 3 hour drive. I'm to see my cardiologist. I hope it goes well.
I realized today that I'm nothing special. I'm not that smart or talented or gifted in any way. I haven't contributed anything to the world. I've just been floating along my whole life, with no direction or goal. You can get away with that when you're young - in fact it's sort of attractive, I think - but when you're middle aged, it isn't so pretty. I'm not being negative or pessimistic, I'm just facing the facts. Facing the facts is a positive thing, no?
I'm going to Chapel Hill in the morning. I have to get up rather early - it's a 3 hour drive. I'm to see my cardiologist. I hope it goes well.
I realized today that I'm nothing special. I'm not that smart or talented or gifted in any way. I haven't contributed anything to the world. I've just been floating along my whole life, with no direction or goal. You can get away with that when you're young - in fact it's sort of attractive, I think - but when you're middle aged, it isn't so pretty. I'm not being negative or pessimistic, I'm just facing the facts. Facing the facts is a positive thing, no?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
It's just me. Recent edition.
I received an email, from a friend of mine, who saw this pic online. He suggested that I had "a kind of Christmas Biker Daddy vibe going on."
I do what I can.
I do what I can.
Snoopy's alter ego.
I had a Joe Cool composition book in high school. My history teacher, Ms. Smith, who had a very dry - some would say, sarcastic - sense of humor, began calling me that. Most of her students disliked her - she was rather strict - but I was fond of her. She taught by lecturing, while coolly sashaying through the room, and used a familiar tone when referring to historical figures, as if she had known them. Washington would be "Ol' Georgie," for instance. She tried to treat us as adults. Of course, we were really just a bunch of teenage imbeciles who couldn't appreciate her unique charms.
This is a Joe Cool card I received last year. Inside it says, "Have a cool yule!" I thought I would interject this bit of colorful silliness into the blog as an antidote to the last few somber entries.
Oh, in case there's anyone on the planet who doesn't know, the design is based on the "Peanuts" comic strip by Charles Schulz.
This is a Joe Cool card I received last year. Inside it says, "Have a cool yule!" I thought I would interject this bit of colorful silliness into the blog as an antidote to the last few somber entries.
Oh, in case there's anyone on the planet who doesn't know, the design is based on the "Peanuts" comic strip by Charles Schulz.
"Life is no way to treat an animal." Kurt Vonnegut
My heart's not working right. It's beating out of time. Fluttering, sputtering, flapping, gasping, gurgling.
Everything has changed. That's a lot to deal with. I carry my phone with me and practice my speed dialing. I think about how I'll be found and worry about folks rummaging around in my things, after I'm gone. I'm concerned that my legacy will be messy and untoward. I don't even know who I am anymore.
And I'm all alone.
As much as I delved into my psyche, when I was younger, I never reached the depths that I now know. I'm quite intimate, at this point, with these new surroundings, but because of past experience, I sense there's someplace deeper still. That much I've learned. Although, I don't know what to make of this knowledge.
Sheer joy, abandonment of inhibitions, calm, the ability to be spontaneous, foot loose and fancy free - all of these things have vanished. I'm worried, uptight, afraid to try anything, afraid to travel (even short distances), afraid of what I know, concerned about being with someone who doesn't know my situation - in case something should happen.
It's looming - the thing that might (will) happen. It's an awful presence.
I know I should focus on the positive - god knows, I try - but, it's rather difficult when EVERY beat of your heart - something you always took for granted and never noticed - reminds you of your mortality.
I know I'm a drag to the world, and myself, but I'm doing the best that I can.
Everything has changed. That's a lot to deal with. I carry my phone with me and practice my speed dialing. I think about how I'll be found and worry about folks rummaging around in my things, after I'm gone. I'm concerned that my legacy will be messy and untoward. I don't even know who I am anymore.
And I'm all alone.
As much as I delved into my psyche, when I was younger, I never reached the depths that I now know. I'm quite intimate, at this point, with these new surroundings, but because of past experience, I sense there's someplace deeper still. That much I've learned. Although, I don't know what to make of this knowledge.
Sheer joy, abandonment of inhibitions, calm, the ability to be spontaneous, foot loose and fancy free - all of these things have vanished. I'm worried, uptight, afraid to try anything, afraid to travel (even short distances), afraid of what I know, concerned about being with someone who doesn't know my situation - in case something should happen.
It's looming - the thing that might (will) happen. It's an awful presence.
I know I should focus on the positive - god knows, I try - but, it's rather difficult when EVERY beat of your heart - something you always took for granted and never noticed - reminds you of your mortality.
I know I'm a drag to the world, and myself, but I'm doing the best that I can.
Monday, December 13, 2010
This and that. Nothing, really.
I just read Ben Fong-Torres' "The Rice Room." Then, I picked up a copy of John Irving's "The Water-Method Man." I have several copies lying (laying?) about my house. I opened it up to the first page and read the opening line: "Her gynecologist recommended him to me." The next thing I knew, I had read that book again - for the umpteenth time. I have to find something to start on, now. A new book.
I bought all of the Christmas presents I could (ill) afford, today. They've been wrapped and placed under the tree. It's a pitifully small pile.
It's going to be very cold tonight - in the teens. I hope my propane doesn't run out. It seems as if it always runs out on the coldest night. I swear, I've got to seal up some of the cracks in this old house. It's really hard to heat.
I've been having odd heart palpitations (flutterings?) for the last few days. It's so hard to describe the sensations, but they make me feel awful. They seem to have subsided a bit today. Thank you, Jeebus, Buddha, Sponge Bob... I have an appointment with my cardiologist Friday.
My sisters keep insisting, quite adamantly, that I need to get my doctor to say that I qualify for S.S. Disability benefits. They don't understand the process. It's rather difficult to obtain benefits.
My life has become such a mess over the last few months.
I have a crossword puzzle lying (laying? I need to check "The Elements of Style!") on my bed, waiting for me. And I've put my new (thrift store new) heavy comforter on, because of the weather. That makes my bed seem all the more inviting.
Good night.
I bought all of the Christmas presents I could (ill) afford, today. They've been wrapped and placed under the tree. It's a pitifully small pile.
It's going to be very cold tonight - in the teens. I hope my propane doesn't run out. It seems as if it always runs out on the coldest night. I swear, I've got to seal up some of the cracks in this old house. It's really hard to heat.
I've been having odd heart palpitations (flutterings?) for the last few days. It's so hard to describe the sensations, but they make me feel awful. They seem to have subsided a bit today. Thank you, Jeebus, Buddha, Sponge Bob... I have an appointment with my cardiologist Friday.
My sisters keep insisting, quite adamantly, that I need to get my doctor to say that I qualify for S.S. Disability benefits. They don't understand the process. It's rather difficult to obtain benefits.
My life has become such a mess over the last few months.
I have a crossword puzzle lying (laying? I need to check "The Elements of Style!") on my bed, waiting for me. And I've put my new (thrift store new) heavy comforter on, because of the weather. That makes my bed seem all the more inviting.
Good night.
Trying to stay busy.
I'm trying to get some things done today. Job searches, house work and a little (very little) Christmas shopping.
My silly plastic tree looks so sad with no gifts under it. Well, it does have one. It's the gift I bought my mom the year she died. She died on Dec.20, 1985 - 3 months to the day after my brother's passing. I put her present under the tree every year.
Ok, that's not a sad thing. It's a good thing. I'm just remembering her.
I'm thinking about moving my bedroom around. Sometimes it helps me to sleep better if I change it up a bit. I need to change sheets, too.
I need some weather stripping for my kitchen door. I can see day light all around it. I can feel cold air pouring in, also.
I've had breakfast (a grilled cheese sandwich) and the dog and cat have been fed. I washed a sink full of dirty dishes and swept the kitchen floor. Now I need to shave, shower and get out of the house.
As Sade sang, "What a life..."
My silly plastic tree looks so sad with no gifts under it. Well, it does have one. It's the gift I bought my mom the year she died. She died on Dec.20, 1985 - 3 months to the day after my brother's passing. I put her present under the tree every year.
Ok, that's not a sad thing. It's a good thing. I'm just remembering her.
I'm thinking about moving my bedroom around. Sometimes it helps me to sleep better if I change it up a bit. I need to change sheets, too.
I need some weather stripping for my kitchen door. I can see day light all around it. I can feel cold air pouring in, also.
I've had breakfast (a grilled cheese sandwich) and the dog and cat have been fed. I washed a sink full of dirty dishes and swept the kitchen floor. Now I need to shave, shower and get out of the house.
As Sade sang, "What a life..."
Sunday, December 12, 2010
I often imagine the saddest things.
I sometimes think about what it would be like if I were corresponding with someone online, that I had never met, and then I died. Or if they died. Usually I'm the one who dies - because I often feel as if I'm GOING to die. But, the thing is, they would email a bit and say "Where are you? You there? Did I say something wrong?" Or, maybe they would get angry, thinking I had snubbed them and didn't want to talk to them anymore - but didn't have the decency, or the courage, to say something.
That whole scenario strikes me as heartbreakingly sad. The person left behind will never know what happened, because, even though they may have had a pleasant experience with you online, they didn't really know you at all. And the deceased person (usually me, in these imaginings) doesn't have a chance to explain. "I'm sorry. It's been nice chatting with you, but I have to go now..."
I would like my friend Chuck to leave a nice comment on this blog when I pass. Something that lets anyone who may have stumbled across it know what happened to me.
The reason the blog has stopped short, in case anyone should be curious, is because the blogger is no more. Everyone deserves closure.
That whole scenario strikes me as heartbreakingly sad. The person left behind will never know what happened, because, even though they may have had a pleasant experience with you online, they didn't really know you at all. And the deceased person (usually me, in these imaginings) doesn't have a chance to explain. "I'm sorry. It's been nice chatting with you, but I have to go now..."
I would like my friend Chuck to leave a nice comment on this blog when I pass. Something that lets anyone who may have stumbled across it know what happened to me.
The reason the blog has stopped short, in case anyone should be curious, is because the blogger is no more. Everyone deserves closure.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Jimmi Blue Christmas.
I'm all alone. I don't have a job. My future is uncertain. I can't afford presents this year.
I remember the first Christmas after my divorce, in the late 80s. It was the first time I had ever spent Christmas alone. My friend Big Mac had given me Roy Orbison's "A Black and White Night" on CD. I opened it up on Christmas morning, put it on, sat on my living room floor and cried.
God, let me make it through the holidays.
I remember the first Christmas after my divorce, in the late 80s. It was the first time I had ever spent Christmas alone. My friend Big Mac had given me Roy Orbison's "A Black and White Night" on CD. I opened it up on Christmas morning, put it on, sat on my living room floor and cried.
God, let me make it through the holidays.
Trudging across the tundra.
It's a cold and rainy Saturday morning. I'm just checking emails, etc.
The past 2 weeks have been a blur of mundanity. I'm allowing myself a little time to come to grips with what has happened to me. It's not been easy. As much as I try, it's still the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep, as well as the first thing I think of upon awakening. It's hard to resign myself to what I see as such a bizarre and irrational injustice.
But, I keep plodding on. Trudging across the tundra, as it were.
I've been corresponding with someone online. I told him I belonged to the blank generation and he responded that anyone who quotes Richard Hell was alright by him. I, in turn, was impressed that he knew who Richard Hell was - and I told him so. He's heard one of my songs online and he compared it to Jim Morrison (I always get that...), Frank Zappa, Jack Kerouac, PIL and Sonic Youth. Pretty good company!
He said it was simple, yet complex.
It's pretty odd that he said that. I have what I call a Dumb/Smart theory on songwriting. I like to cite the Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" as an excellent example of a Dumb/Smart song lyric. Also, I have a line, in a small book I wrote, that describes the protagonist as "A simple being, therefore complex." And, I guess that's how I see myself.
It's still gray and rainy. I should probably attempt something constructive today. We'll see.
The past 2 weeks have been a blur of mundanity. I'm allowing myself a little time to come to grips with what has happened to me. It's not been easy. As much as I try, it's still the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep, as well as the first thing I think of upon awakening. It's hard to resign myself to what I see as such a bizarre and irrational injustice.
But, I keep plodding on. Trudging across the tundra, as it were.
I've been corresponding with someone online. I told him I belonged to the blank generation and he responded that anyone who quotes Richard Hell was alright by him. I, in turn, was impressed that he knew who Richard Hell was - and I told him so. He's heard one of my songs online and he compared it to Jim Morrison (I always get that...), Frank Zappa, Jack Kerouac, PIL and Sonic Youth. Pretty good company!
He said it was simple, yet complex.
It's pretty odd that he said that. I have what I call a Dumb/Smart theory on songwriting. I like to cite the Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" as an excellent example of a Dumb/Smart song lyric. Also, I have a line, in a small book I wrote, that describes the protagonist as "A simple being, therefore complex." And, I guess that's how I see myself.
It's still gray and rainy. I should probably attempt something constructive today. We'll see.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Just checking in.
I'm out of work. I'm still in shock, so I haven't come to terms with it. I haven't formulated a plan of action, yet. I'll make a move soon.
My drafty old house is so cold. While we're experiencing record cold weather here, I can't afford much heat. I'm trying to make the little bit of gas I have last as long as possible.
I couldn't have lost my job at a worse time. I was already dealing with depression, because of my health issues. Now I feel totally worthless. And the end of the year always brings extra expenses, like higher electric bills, gas for heating, Christmas and property taxes. Add to that the fact that I had to purchase a new phone (the old one was covered by work), with the ensuing phone bills - and I have to make a trip to see my cardiologist (a 3 hour drive, in my aged whip that needs brake work and an oil change). I'm getting unemployment benefits, but it's only half of what I was making.
I've caught a cold. So has my dog. At least, I hope that's all he has. He's developed a bad cough (that's why I'm up at 4 am), but I can't afford to take him to the vet.
An acquaintance of mine asked me, via email, how I was doing. I replied that I was ok. "That's good," he said. "I was afraid you might be depressed."
I'm just checking in. Getting things off my chest. I'll get straightened out. I hope.
My drafty old house is so cold. While we're experiencing record cold weather here, I can't afford much heat. I'm trying to make the little bit of gas I have last as long as possible.
I couldn't have lost my job at a worse time. I was already dealing with depression, because of my health issues. Now I feel totally worthless. And the end of the year always brings extra expenses, like higher electric bills, gas for heating, Christmas and property taxes. Add to that the fact that I had to purchase a new phone (the old one was covered by work), with the ensuing phone bills - and I have to make a trip to see my cardiologist (a 3 hour drive, in my aged whip that needs brake work and an oil change). I'm getting unemployment benefits, but it's only half of what I was making.
I've caught a cold. So has my dog. At least, I hope that's all he has. He's developed a bad cough (that's why I'm up at 4 am), but I can't afford to take him to the vet.
An acquaintance of mine asked me, via email, how I was doing. I replied that I was ok. "That's good," he said. "I was afraid you might be depressed."
I'm just checking in. Getting things off my chest. I'll get straightened out. I hope.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Ravaged.
Look at this hand. Not only is it ravaged by time, work and the sun, but also by one of my many neurotic behaviours: I bite my nails.
It's more than biting, really. I snag whatever I can of the beleaguered nails, with my teeth, and rip away until they bleed. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. I recall my mom telling me, when I was a kid, that my habit was down-right cannibalistic.
When I was in the 4th grade, I had to see a child psychologist, because I was having problems in school. He asked me if I was nervous. To me, "nervous" meant being shaky and jittery, like a cartoon or sitcom character. I hesitantly answered no. He then told me that the reason he had asked was because of my nails.
Yeah, I'm nervous. I've been nervous my whole life.
Nail biting is one of the things on my personal tics list that I can't seem to shake. Half of the time, I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's self mutilation.
As Barney Fife would say, "It's a compelsion (sic)."
It's more than biting, really. I snag whatever I can of the beleaguered nails, with my teeth, and rip away until they bleed. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. I recall my mom telling me, when I was a kid, that my habit was down-right cannibalistic.
When I was in the 4th grade, I had to see a child psychologist, because I was having problems in school. He asked me if I was nervous. To me, "nervous" meant being shaky and jittery, like a cartoon or sitcom character. I hesitantly answered no. He then told me that the reason he had asked was because of my nails.
Yeah, I'm nervous. I've been nervous my whole life.
Nail biting is one of the things on my personal tics list that I can't seem to shake. Half of the time, I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's self mutilation.
As Barney Fife would say, "It's a compelsion (sic)."
We haven't forgotten you, Johnny...
John Lennon was gunned down 30 years ago today. I remember it like it happened last week. Senseless.
Peace.
Peace.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Heart and Soul.
I recently read an article about Branford Cox, the dress wearing front man for the band Deerhunter. He's in his 20s, is 6'4" and weighs 115 lbs. He has a genetic condition that causes elongated limbs, as well as heart, lung and spinal problems. He was talking about a gig they were doing in a hot, cramped venue. There was all kinds of mayhem occurring around him, but he kept singing, even though his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest.
I think it's great that this guy has achieved the "fame" that he has. I also feel for him. How much longer can he keep up the pace? In that sense, it's sad.
I realize now that I'll probably never perform again. Bear in mind, out of all of my experiences, singing in front of an audience is at the top. I felt oddly at home in front of a mike stand. The idea of singing scares me a bit, now. When I sing, I have to give it all I have. I don't think I have much to give, anymore.
It's hard to let go of something that has defined your identity your whole life.
In that sense, it's sad.
I think it's great that this guy has achieved the "fame" that he has. I also feel for him. How much longer can he keep up the pace? In that sense, it's sad.
I realize now that I'll probably never perform again. Bear in mind, out of all of my experiences, singing in front of an audience is at the top. I felt oddly at home in front of a mike stand. The idea of singing scares me a bit, now. When I sing, I have to give it all I have. I don't think I have much to give, anymore.
It's hard to let go of something that has defined your identity your whole life.
In that sense, it's sad.
Monday, December 6, 2010
What if?
I try not to repeat myself too much in this blog, but after all that I've posted since last last February, it's bound to happen. And there are some things that I feel the need to explore further or just reiterate. Some things that are on my mind today, were on my mind a year ago. Or 10 years ago. Some topics have been on my mind almost every waking hour (and sometimes, in dreams, too) of my entire life - like sex, food, weight, self image and social awkwardness.
Let's talk about social awkwardness. That's often the catalyst for some of the other issues I've listed. Listen, parents - make sure your child feels special and capable. Don't beat your children. I grew up being beaten, and I thought it was normal for most of my life, but it isn't. And look how I turned out.
Take your kids skating, make sure they take piano lessons (or tuba or violin or voice), teach them to swim, or how to play baseball, or bowl. And, for god's sake, read to them. That's one thing I got. My mom did read to me.
I was beaten down as a child - both mentally and physically, and let me tell you, even though I'm now 50 years old, it affects me, in big ways, every day of my life.
Let's talk about social awkwardness. That's often the catalyst for some of the other issues I've listed. Listen, parents - make sure your child feels special and capable. Don't beat your children. I grew up being beaten, and I thought it was normal for most of my life, but it isn't. And look how I turned out.
Take your kids skating, make sure they take piano lessons (or tuba or violin or voice), teach them to swim, or how to play baseball, or bowl. And, for god's sake, read to them. That's one thing I got. My mom did read to me.
I was beaten down as a child - both mentally and physically, and let me tell you, even though I'm now 50 years old, it affects me, in big ways, every day of my life.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
My brother's birthday.
This is a picture of my brother when he was in the Army, stationed in Germany. He mailed that Gibson home and it arrived in 2 pieces.
My brother passed away in 1985 at the age of 36. He would have been 62 today. It's hard for me to imagine him that old. I miss him. He was a good guy.
My brother passed away in 1985 at the age of 36. He would have been 62 today. It's hard for me to imagine him that old. I miss him. He was a good guy.
Those sneaky CCC companies...
I have to have, at least, one box of chocolate covered cherries at Christmas time. I know they're bad for me, blah, blah, blah, but I love them.
There used to be 16 candies in each box - 8 on the top layer, 8 on the bottom. Then, years ago, they cut it down to 12. The box I just bought only had 10 and the candies, themselves, were smaller. But, get this: They cost twice as much! I've noticed this trend in all kinds of products everywhere. It's a sign of the economic times.
Is it just me, or is there something sexual about this candy photo?
There used to be 16 candies in each box - 8 on the top layer, 8 on the bottom. Then, years ago, they cut it down to 12. The box I just bought only had 10 and the candies, themselves, were smaller. But, get this: They cost twice as much! I've noticed this trend in all kinds of products everywhere. It's a sign of the economic times.
Is it just me, or is there something sexual about this candy photo?
Holiday films. White Christmas.
Let me start by saying this isn't one of my holiday favorites, although I did watch it again, yesterday. It has some great Irving Berlin songs, of course (it's generally billed as "Irving Berlin's White Christmas"), some incredible dance scenes (Bob Fosse was the uncredited choreographer and appeared, uncredited as well, in several numbers), and is the first movie to be filmed in VistaVision(!), but, ultimately, it's a piece of schmaltzy fluff - and 90% percent of the film doesn't even deal with Christmas.
Here's what I find interesting about "White Christmas": I thought I had seen it years ago as "Holiday Inn." I did, it turns out. "Holiday Inn" starred some of the same cast members, Bing Crosby included (although Fred Astaire had the co-lead in that one), and for the most part, followed the same story line. There was a song from "Holiday Inn" that took the country by storm. In fact, it became the biggest selling Christmas song in history. That song was - wait for it - "White Christmas." The song was so popular that Hollywood decided, a few years later, to remake the film, calling it - what else - "White Christmas." Fred Astaire was asked to reprise his role, but he declined. Next, Donald O'Conner was considered. He couldn't do it. So they wound up with Danny Kaye. Of course, now it's hard to imagine anyone else in that role.
Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen co-starred as a talented sister act. While Vera-Ellen was actually seven years older than Rosemary, she played the part of the younger sister. Everyone in the film sang their own parts, except for Vera-Ellen, who lip-synced. Oddly enough, when it came time to record the cast album, Clooney's contract wouldn't allow her to participate in the project. Peggy Lee was brought in to sing her parts.
Unfortunately, there is an ugly minstrel scene in the film. How various folks dealt with this on video releases is an interesting story in itself. When Ted Turner colorized his version, he supposedly consulted experts to bring out, as closely as possible, the tones that Edith Head used in her amazing costumes, but, I believe, cut the entire minstrel scene. My version, while adequately colorized (if you go for that kind of thing...), kept the minstrel scene and used the colorization to tone down the black face. Look closely, the guys are rather tan, compared to the ladies... It's hard to imagine that entire scene cut from the film. It's a big number, with some of the most incredible dancing in the movie.
There is now a stage adaptation of the movie that has been quite popular. It's currently playing at one of the local theaters in town, in fact.
Again, not one of my favorites, but worth a viewing. Enjoy.
Here's what I find interesting about "White Christmas": I thought I had seen it years ago as "Holiday Inn." I did, it turns out. "Holiday Inn" starred some of the same cast members, Bing Crosby included (although Fred Astaire had the co-lead in that one), and for the most part, followed the same story line. There was a song from "Holiday Inn" that took the country by storm. In fact, it became the biggest selling Christmas song in history. That song was - wait for it - "White Christmas." The song was so popular that Hollywood decided, a few years later, to remake the film, calling it - what else - "White Christmas." Fred Astaire was asked to reprise his role, but he declined. Next, Donald O'Conner was considered. He couldn't do it. So they wound up with Danny Kaye. Of course, now it's hard to imagine anyone else in that role.
Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen co-starred as a talented sister act. While Vera-Ellen was actually seven years older than Rosemary, she played the part of the younger sister. Everyone in the film sang their own parts, except for Vera-Ellen, who lip-synced. Oddly enough, when it came time to record the cast album, Clooney's contract wouldn't allow her to participate in the project. Peggy Lee was brought in to sing her parts.
Unfortunately, there is an ugly minstrel scene in the film. How various folks dealt with this on video releases is an interesting story in itself. When Ted Turner colorized his version, he supposedly consulted experts to bring out, as closely as possible, the tones that Edith Head used in her amazing costumes, but, I believe, cut the entire minstrel scene. My version, while adequately colorized (if you go for that kind of thing...), kept the minstrel scene and used the colorization to tone down the black face. Look closely, the guys are rather tan, compared to the ladies... It's hard to imagine that entire scene cut from the film. It's a big number, with some of the most incredible dancing in the movie.
There is now a stage adaptation of the movie that has been quite popular. It's currently playing at one of the local theaters in town, in fact.
Again, not one of my favorites, but worth a viewing. Enjoy.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Holiday films. Fanny and Alexander.
Ok, this is not an official holiday film, but it has a big, elaborate Christmas scene in it - so, to me, it qualifies as much as Woody's "Hannah and Her Sisters," which I usually watch every Thanksgiving (it has 3 Thanksgiving scenes in it).
"Fanny and Alexander" is one of my all time favorite movies. It's big, funny, chilling, dark (it IS a Bergman film), beautifully shot (by Sven Nykvist, of course) and, ultimately, life affirming. What more could someone need in a movie?
I only have an old double tape VHS copy, that I found at a flea market. I hope to one day find it on DVD.
It won 4 Academy Awards, in 1983. Highly recommended.
"Fanny and Alexander" is one of my all time favorite movies. It's big, funny, chilling, dark (it IS a Bergman film), beautifully shot (by Sven Nykvist, of course) and, ultimately, life affirming. What more could someone need in a movie?
I only have an old double tape VHS copy, that I found at a flea market. I hope to one day find it on DVD.
It won 4 Academy Awards, in 1983. Highly recommended.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Cute vs Nasty.
Last night, I had a dream about a chimpanzee.
When I was a kid, I longed to own a chimpanzee. I was in love with W.K., the chimp from "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom." I just knew that owning a chimpanzee would make my life worth living. They're so smart and CUTE!
My uncle ruined the cute part for me. He told me that they could be mean and nasty, that they had the strength of several men and would often attack their "owners." In short, chimpanzees were wild animals.
In my dream, last night, there was a chimp who was not only smart and cute, but could talk. I mean, he talked like a chimpanzee (isn't that a Bangles song?), but it was in English. At one point, when we were playing, rolling around on the floor, he asked me if I liked Dionne Warwick. "I do," I said. He then began to sing "The Look of Love." Now, "The Look of Love" IS a Bacharach/David song and Dionne, who, of course, was closely associated with them, did do a version of it. But, the version that's best known is the original Dusty Springfield recording - which was a big hit. So, I would say that it was Dusty's song.
Having the knowledge I had of chimps, thanks to my uncle, I wasn't about to correct him. Besides, he did do a pretty good rendition. You know, for an ape.
And he was SOOO cute.
When I was a kid, I longed to own a chimpanzee. I was in love with W.K., the chimp from "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom." I just knew that owning a chimpanzee would make my life worth living. They're so smart and CUTE!
My uncle ruined the cute part for me. He told me that they could be mean and nasty, that they had the strength of several men and would often attack their "owners." In short, chimpanzees were wild animals.
In my dream, last night, there was a chimp who was not only smart and cute, but could talk. I mean, he talked like a chimpanzee (isn't that a Bangles song?), but it was in English. At one point, when we were playing, rolling around on the floor, he asked me if I liked Dionne Warwick. "I do," I said. He then began to sing "The Look of Love." Now, "The Look of Love" IS a Bacharach/David song and Dionne, who, of course, was closely associated with them, did do a version of it. But, the version that's best known is the original Dusty Springfield recording - which was a big hit. So, I would say that it was Dusty's song.
Having the knowledge I had of chimps, thanks to my uncle, I wasn't about to correct him. Besides, he did do a pretty good rendition. You know, for an ape.
And he was SOOO cute.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Hello, I repeat, hello.
Never before, never again
Grab it now or miss your chance
Striking while the iron glows red
Hesitate and you're lost.
While staring at the lonely sea
A million dreams, a world of pain
Drifted away, into the ether
Like motes of dust, like dust.
A card, a candle, a stone
Talismanic gifts
Trifling, yet magical
A bone, a piece of glass.
(I looked up and saw the psychic dogs of Saturn, exploding in midair, a freestyle dance, an awakening, a celebration, in the throes of ecstasy, in the depths of grieving, alive, dead, a stew of ritual and utter chaos, those dogs, those dogs, I witnessed it all. Their carcasses fell to earth like gifts of manna. It all made sense to me, then. And, even when I closed my eyes, my mind retained those vibrant images. There was a joy in their fiery decimation. It was a script that had to be played out. The universe is a cruel and awesome stage.)
She was a little girl
She handed her brother a gem
She told him "Abracadabra"
He gave that gem to me.
(The fish erupted from that lonely sea, silvery and lithe, aglow in the moonlight. I awaited the resolution of their arc, the re-entry into their watery home, but it wasn't their home at all, and they were really ships, and they proved it with their flight. I half expected they would explode, it seemed to be the way, but they disappeared into the stars and a hush fell over the world. I don't know what it means, but it felt preordained, and I sensed that it had always been and always would be.)
I walked across some graves
Trying to step lightly
The holly leaves were prickly, beneath my bare feet
My friend suggested I walk "crunchy."
Many years ago
A ghost called my name
I answered back, I asked "Who's there?"
But it was just the wind.
Grab it now or miss your chance
Striking while the iron glows red
Hesitate and you're lost.
While staring at the lonely sea
A million dreams, a world of pain
Drifted away, into the ether
Like motes of dust, like dust.
A card, a candle, a stone
Talismanic gifts
Trifling, yet magical
A bone, a piece of glass.
(I looked up and saw the psychic dogs of Saturn, exploding in midair, a freestyle dance, an awakening, a celebration, in the throes of ecstasy, in the depths of grieving, alive, dead, a stew of ritual and utter chaos, those dogs, those dogs, I witnessed it all. Their carcasses fell to earth like gifts of manna. It all made sense to me, then. And, even when I closed my eyes, my mind retained those vibrant images. There was a joy in their fiery decimation. It was a script that had to be played out. The universe is a cruel and awesome stage.)
She was a little girl
She handed her brother a gem
She told him "Abracadabra"
He gave that gem to me.
(The fish erupted from that lonely sea, silvery and lithe, aglow in the moonlight. I awaited the resolution of their arc, the re-entry into their watery home, but it wasn't their home at all, and they were really ships, and they proved it with their flight. I half expected they would explode, it seemed to be the way, but they disappeared into the stars and a hush fell over the world. I don't know what it means, but it felt preordained, and I sensed that it had always been and always would be.)
I walked across some graves
Trying to step lightly
The holly leaves were prickly, beneath my bare feet
My friend suggested I walk "crunchy."
Many years ago
A ghost called my name
I answered back, I asked "Who's there?"
But it was just the wind.
It's cold this morning (reeling).
It's cold this morning - and my life's on hold.
People keep asking what I'm going to do.
I know I have to move - but I'm still in shock.
I was totally blindsided. Has that ever happened to you?
Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you?
Have you ever been sucker punched?
Have you ever been made to feel that you're losing your grip on reality?
Well, I have.
I'm trying to take things one day at a time.
I'm trying to keep an open mind - while closing off the past.
Try that. It's not easy.
Try negotiating the world alone - maneuvering without a co-pilot.
Je suis une ame solitare.
Picking myself up, dusting myself off - these are well known rituals.
This time, though, I have a deep hole to crawl out of.
It may take some time.
Be patient with me.
People keep asking what I'm going to do.
I know I have to move - but I'm still in shock.
I was totally blindsided. Has that ever happened to you?
Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you?
Have you ever been sucker punched?
Have you ever been made to feel that you're losing your grip on reality?
Well, I have.
I'm trying to take things one day at a time.
I'm trying to keep an open mind - while closing off the past.
Try that. It's not easy.
Try negotiating the world alone - maneuvering without a co-pilot.
Je suis une ame solitare.
Picking myself up, dusting myself off - these are well known rituals.
This time, though, I have a deep hole to crawl out of.
It may take some time.
Be patient with me.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Last of the Geraniums.
It's the first of December and I still have a few plants in the yard. It's been a very warm Fall - it was in the low 70s today - but it's supposed to turn cold tonight. I just thought I'd snap a pic before all the flowers are gone.
Keep your hands inside the car.
Today, I turned in my phone and keys from the job I just lost. I didn't see my ex boss (which is good...), but I did get an awkward hug from my old friend Rick. He said something like "I'm sorry. What happened to you bugs me." I thanked him and asked him to give those things to my ex boss. He said "Sure. You wanna hang around awhile?" I told him no, that I had to go.
I really had to go.
On the way home, I saw a sign that read "Llama Manure For Sale". I'm pretty sure llamas aren't indigenous to SE North Carolina. And, who would pay for their poop?
Can you eat llamas? I mean, I'm sure you can, but does anyone actually do it?
Mmmmm, llama...
I'm really thankful for my family and friends. Especially now, with all that's happened to me. This past year has really been a roller coaster ride. And not a Roller Coaster of Love, either. It's been more like a roller coaster ride through llama manure.
I really had to go.
On the way home, I saw a sign that read "Llama Manure For Sale". I'm pretty sure llamas aren't indigenous to SE North Carolina. And, who would pay for their poop?
Can you eat llamas? I mean, I'm sure you can, but does anyone actually do it?
Mmmmm, llama...
I'm really thankful for my family and friends. Especially now, with all that's happened to me. This past year has really been a roller coaster ride. And not a Roller Coaster of Love, either. It's been more like a roller coaster ride through llama manure.
Monday, November 29, 2010
I don't know much of anything.
If the rain fell on me, I wouldn't mind.
If the fog rolled in and swallowed me, I'd disappear into nothingness.
Here today, gone tomorrow.
I can sit by my window, at night, with a candle on the sill.
I can gaze at the stars until I'm lost.
Mesmerized. Mind-boggled.
In awe.
I can walk through the woods alone.
I can sit quietly and let it all happen.
I can sense the magic. The sadness. The wisps of eternity.
If it ends tonight, it ends tonight.
So be it.
Fire is cleansing. Smoke is sacred.
I want to go out on a pyre, like Hindus do, although I'm a nonbeliever.
Order is a human imposition.
Time is an affliction.
Paint me in ash and release me.
I've been sad my whole life.
I've been restrained - inwardly and outwardly.
I was beaten down and strapped to a plow.
When my turn comes to fly, let me go.
My father wanted peaches the night he died.
My sister brought some over.
I never knew that, until today.
I guess I don't know much of anything.
In fact, I'm sure of it.
If the fog rolled in and swallowed me, I'd disappear into nothingness.
Here today, gone tomorrow.
I can sit by my window, at night, with a candle on the sill.
I can gaze at the stars until I'm lost.
Mesmerized. Mind-boggled.
In awe.
I can walk through the woods alone.
I can sit quietly and let it all happen.
I can sense the magic. The sadness. The wisps of eternity.
If it ends tonight, it ends tonight.
So be it.
Fire is cleansing. Smoke is sacred.
I want to go out on a pyre, like Hindus do, although I'm a nonbeliever.
Order is a human imposition.
Time is an affliction.
Paint me in ash and release me.
I've been sad my whole life.
I've been restrained - inwardly and outwardly.
I was beaten down and strapped to a plow.
When my turn comes to fly, let me go.
My father wanted peaches the night he died.
My sister brought some over.
I never knew that, until today.
I guess I don't know much of anything.
In fact, I'm sure of it.
My downfall continues, unabated. Accelerating, even.
I'm seriously considering packing it all in. My life no longer makes any sense.
Before 8 o'clock this morning, I was cussed at by one man and fired by another.
I don't have a job. To say that this came out of the blue is an understatement. My (ex) boss said he was sorry and that he knew that it seemed as if he had lied to me last week, when he told me not to worry, that he wasn't going to let me go. Well, guess what? He did lie.
I was handed a check for $300. That's what I'm worth. $300.
I worked so hard. I went in early. I tried my best to get along with the asshole I worked with. He's a snake, but hey, I've got to hand it to him - he won out.
I think I've had an epiphany: There is no order to the universe. It's all chaos.
Before 8 o'clock this morning, I was cussed at by one man and fired by another.
I don't have a job. To say that this came out of the blue is an understatement. My (ex) boss said he was sorry and that he knew that it seemed as if he had lied to me last week, when he told me not to worry, that he wasn't going to let me go. Well, guess what? He did lie.
I was handed a check for $300. That's what I'm worth. $300.
I worked so hard. I went in early. I tried my best to get along with the asshole I worked with. He's a snake, but hey, I've got to hand it to him - he won out.
I think I've had an epiphany: There is no order to the universe. It's all chaos.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
"In the midnight hour, she cried Ho, Ho, Ho..."
I usually put my Christmas tree up the Saturday after Thanksgiving. My mom used to say - and I agree - "Get one holiday out of the way before you start on another."
There was a time when I wouldn't be caught dead with a fake tree. Until a few years ago, I ALWAYS had a real tree. But now, well, what's the point? I'm alone, the trees are a mess, and they're expensive - then you just throw it away after New Year's day. (You have to leave your tree up until the new year. It's good luck.)
So, last night I pulled my sad, white, plastic tree out of the closet and put the Chet Atkins Christmas album on. That's been a tradition in my home since I was born. Chet always gets played first. Then, it was on to "Rebel Yell," by Billy Idol. Yep, oddly enough, I always play that CD - loudly - when I put my tree up. It started in the 80s: I wanted to hear the new album I'd just purchased, while I hung the garland. It's been an unconventional tradition ever since.
There was a time when I wouldn't be caught dead with a fake tree. Until a few years ago, I ALWAYS had a real tree. But now, well, what's the point? I'm alone, the trees are a mess, and they're expensive - then you just throw it away after New Year's day. (You have to leave your tree up until the new year. It's good luck.)
So, last night I pulled my sad, white, plastic tree out of the closet and put the Chet Atkins Christmas album on. That's been a tradition in my home since I was born. Chet always gets played first. Then, it was on to "Rebel Yell," by Billy Idol. Yep, oddly enough, I always play that CD - loudly - when I put my tree up. It started in the 80s: I wanted to hear the new album I'd just purchased, while I hung the garland. It's been an unconventional tradition ever since.
Let's go to church!
From the time of my birth, until the age of 14, my mom took me to the church just down the road. She didn't have a driver's license, my dad always worked on Sundays and we only had the one car, anyway - so, unless my uncle stopped and gave us a ride, we would walk.
This was an uptight, white-bread Baptist church. People spoke in hushed tones. If the preacher was preaching and one of the deacons said "Amen," folks would stare at him. Once, we had a group of 4 teenagers, from another church, come sing for us. One of the girls began to sway to the music. Afterwards, I overheard an old woman comment, "Did you see that girl? I thought she was gonna start dancing!"
When I was 14, right before my dad died, my sister and her husband started going to a Nondenominational, "holy roller" church - across the river. Soon, my other sister and her husband began attending. Then my mom and I started to go. Pretty soon, both of my brothers in law's families began going there. It was like a movement. It spread like wild fire.
The Nondenominational church held its services in a run down recreation center in the projects. It was a diverse crowd - consisting of the old, the crippled, the mentally challenged, the blind, children, drunks, drug addicts and even a gay guy, who wore clogs to church. While the preacher sweat, paced frantically, pounded his bible and turned red in the face, the congregation would sing, cry, shout, speak in tongues, jump, run up and down the aisles and fall out on the floor. Everything short of handling snakes. It was culture shock to me.
I do have some good memories of going there, though. For one thing, I began to date the preacher's daughter. She wasn't the brightest girl in the world, but she was cute and extremely sweet. I still remember her fondly. Another unforgettable thing for me was seeing my mom, for the first time, playing guitar and singing - in front of the whole church! I had never seen her do anything like that. She was so confident. It was shocking and I developed a whole new respect for her. Later, my sisters got into the act and I began to play with them. It was an invaluable first experience of playing in front of an audience.
This was an uptight, white-bread Baptist church. People spoke in hushed tones. If the preacher was preaching and one of the deacons said "Amen," folks would stare at him. Once, we had a group of 4 teenagers, from another church, come sing for us. One of the girls began to sway to the music. Afterwards, I overheard an old woman comment, "Did you see that girl? I thought she was gonna start dancing!"
When I was 14, right before my dad died, my sister and her husband started going to a Nondenominational, "holy roller" church - across the river. Soon, my other sister and her husband began attending. Then my mom and I started to go. Pretty soon, both of my brothers in law's families began going there. It was like a movement. It spread like wild fire.
The Nondenominational church held its services in a run down recreation center in the projects. It was a diverse crowd - consisting of the old, the crippled, the mentally challenged, the blind, children, drunks, drug addicts and even a gay guy, who wore clogs to church. While the preacher sweat, paced frantically, pounded his bible and turned red in the face, the congregation would sing, cry, shout, speak in tongues, jump, run up and down the aisles and fall out on the floor. Everything short of handling snakes. It was culture shock to me.
I do have some good memories of going there, though. For one thing, I began to date the preacher's daughter. She wasn't the brightest girl in the world, but she was cute and extremely sweet. I still remember her fondly. Another unforgettable thing for me was seeing my mom, for the first time, playing guitar and singing - in front of the whole church! I had never seen her do anything like that. She was so confident. It was shocking and I developed a whole new respect for her. Later, my sisters got into the act and I began to play with them. It was an invaluable first experience of playing in front of an audience.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Just a dream...
I'm walking through a grimy back alley-way, somewhere, and I spot a row of dumpsters. In front of one dumpster is a dead lion. In front of the next, a dead tiger. The next, a dead leopard. In front of the last one, there lies a decapitated man. His head is next to his body. All of the bodies seem to have been there for, at least, a couple of days. I'm wondering to myself, "Why isn't this on the news? Why isn't someone investigating this?"
Now I'm in a sort of seaside pub/restaurant. It's rather small and crowded. People are eating and drinking. I'm sitting on a kind of L-shaped couch that's built into the wall. There are groups of tables and chairs throughout the rest of the area. The couch is full. My mom is there. We occupy the 2 corner spots. I hear a man begin to sing. He's seated on the long couch, also. There are 3 or 4 people between me and him. I recognize his voice immediately. He's singing "Easy Street." It's Edgar Winter.
Edgar Winter, in my mind, is Rock Royalty. I actually have his autograph. He's one of my vocal heroes, but I'm worried that no one else will know who he is. I nudge my mom and say, "That's Edgar Winter. He's one of my all time favorite singers." At this point, I notice my friend Rick, sitting at one of the tables. He's looking at Edgar, smiling and nodding his head in time to the song. I think to myself that he only knows this song because David Lee Roth covered it on his "Crazy from the Heat" album.
Although slightly drunk (I think he's actually a non drinking vegetarian), Edgar sounds terrific - but he stops in the middle of the song and begins to talk. Now, Edgar is a Texan, but in my dream, he has an English accent. He proceeds to ramble on about some perceived wrong-doing by someone in the music biz. He produces a comic book and passes it around as some sort of evidence. He's very bitter.
Edgar Winter, in real life, is a Scientologist. Say what you will about those folks, but they all seem to be very positive people and are usually rather successful. Go to his website and check him out. He seems like a great guy.
A small, animated, girl steps out of the crowd. It's Lisa Simpson. Lisa begins to pace back and forth in front of Edgar and questions him, like an attorney. She's trying to make a point. She's trying to get him to see that things aren't so bad and he should just let his grievances go.
Maybe that's the point of this dream.
Oh, who am I kidding? This shit is bananas.
Now I'm in a sort of seaside pub/restaurant. It's rather small and crowded. People are eating and drinking. I'm sitting on a kind of L-shaped couch that's built into the wall. There are groups of tables and chairs throughout the rest of the area. The couch is full. My mom is there. We occupy the 2 corner spots. I hear a man begin to sing. He's seated on the long couch, also. There are 3 or 4 people between me and him. I recognize his voice immediately. He's singing "Easy Street." It's Edgar Winter.
Edgar Winter, in my mind, is Rock Royalty. I actually have his autograph. He's one of my vocal heroes, but I'm worried that no one else will know who he is. I nudge my mom and say, "That's Edgar Winter. He's one of my all time favorite singers." At this point, I notice my friend Rick, sitting at one of the tables. He's looking at Edgar, smiling and nodding his head in time to the song. I think to myself that he only knows this song because David Lee Roth covered it on his "Crazy from the Heat" album.
Although slightly drunk (I think he's actually a non drinking vegetarian), Edgar sounds terrific - but he stops in the middle of the song and begins to talk. Now, Edgar is a Texan, but in my dream, he has an English accent. He proceeds to ramble on about some perceived wrong-doing by someone in the music biz. He produces a comic book and passes it around as some sort of evidence. He's very bitter.
Edgar Winter, in real life, is a Scientologist. Say what you will about those folks, but they all seem to be very positive people and are usually rather successful. Go to his website and check him out. He seems like a great guy.
A small, animated, girl steps out of the crowd. It's Lisa Simpson. Lisa begins to pace back and forth in front of Edgar and questions him, like an attorney. She's trying to make a point. She's trying to get him to see that things aren't so bad and he should just let his grievances go.
Maybe that's the point of this dream.
Oh, who am I kidding? This shit is bananas.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Fantastic realities. Realistic fantasies.
I don't want to be part of someone's fantasy. I don't want my function in a relationship diminished in that way. Fantasy has a place. It's a release valve, of a sort. I have fantasies of my own, but I don't feel the need to drag anyone else into them. What I do wish someone would participate in is my reality. I guess that takes too much courage. Or, maybe my reality is too god-awfully drab and dismal - or just down right bizarre - for someone to attach himself to.
I'm an artist. I have a head full of whimsy - bright and colorful. I also know the Horror of Being. There's a dark and murky side to my dreams. Even so, I like the day in and day out. I like getting up, going to bed, taking care of chores and living life.
After putting all of the drugs and alcohol behind me, I can remember how it felt to suddenly be straight. I felt altered, like I was on something.
Reality is a drug. Turn on.
I'm an artist. I have a head full of whimsy - bright and colorful. I also know the Horror of Being. There's a dark and murky side to my dreams. Even so, I like the day in and day out. I like getting up, going to bed, taking care of chores and living life.
After putting all of the drugs and alcohol behind me, I can remember how it felt to suddenly be straight. I felt altered, like I was on something.
Reality is a drug. Turn on.
Long misty day. (Add an "s" and it's a great Robin Trower song and album title.)
I ate entirely too much today. Then I lounged around and watched movies ("Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and "Labyrinth"). Eventually, I decided I needed to get out of the house.
I went down town and walked around a bit. It was cloudy, gray and rainy and the streets were nearly empty. All of the shops were closed. There was ample parking - an unheard of thing for the down town area. Actually, it was kinda nice. Cool, but not cold. I wish I had brought my camera. I always forget my camera.
I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow. Why do I have to be made to feel this way? Why does my boss continue to let me be treated badly? I feel like a guy in one of those movies where he wakes up one day and his life has been turned upside down, but no one else seems to notice. People around him begin to think he's nutty and, as time goes by, he too begins to doubt his own sanity.
Everyone says to hang in there, but god, I'm getting weary.
I went down town and walked around a bit. It was cloudy, gray and rainy and the streets were nearly empty. All of the shops were closed. There was ample parking - an unheard of thing for the down town area. Actually, it was kinda nice. Cool, but not cold. I wish I had brought my camera. I always forget my camera.
I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow. Why do I have to be made to feel this way? Why does my boss continue to let me be treated badly? I feel like a guy in one of those movies where he wakes up one day and his life has been turned upside down, but no one else seems to notice. People around him begin to think he's nutty and, as time goes by, he too begins to doubt his own sanity.
Everyone says to hang in there, but god, I'm getting weary.
Thank you, Jeebus! I have Internet connection!
I have been without Internet connection or cable since 9:00 yesterday morning. I felt like a junkie trying to get online. In a brief moment of connectivity, I managed to squeeze out the last post. Then the TV, which had been barely discernible and very fuzzy, went out altogether and I had no Internet again.
I saw a truck in my neighbor's yard and began to have hope. I didn't think anyone was going to come out on Thanksgiving day to work on the cable. Then I realized that this is probably one of the biggest TV days of the year. I'm sure there were a lot of irate sports fans calling in.
One reason I was upset about not being able to go online is that I had a horrible day at work yesterday and I needed to be able to vent. That guy on my crew who has been causing so much dissension went ballistic. I could feel my heart pounding and I thought to myself, this is stupid, I'm outta here. I don't know what's going to happen when I go back Friday.
At least I can blog and surf the web, now. Phew!
I saw a truck in my neighbor's yard and began to have hope. I didn't think anyone was going to come out on Thanksgiving day to work on the cable. Then I realized that this is probably one of the biggest TV days of the year. I'm sure there were a lot of irate sports fans calling in.
One reason I was upset about not being able to go online is that I had a horrible day at work yesterday and I needed to be able to vent. That guy on my crew who has been causing so much dissension went ballistic. I could feel my heart pounding and I thought to myself, this is stupid, I'm outta here. I don't know what's going to happen when I go back Friday.
At least I can blog and surf the web, now. Phew!
Happy Throgsgafen!!
"Throgsgafen" is the "Old Low Norse" equivalent of our Thanksgiving, sort of. It's actually a week long celebration of food, drink, sex and excess in general, culminating on Throgsgafen day.
Of course, none of this is real. It all comes from the mind of writer John Irving. It's in his book "The Water Method Man." (See earlier post.)
Happy Throgsgafen, everyone!
Of course, none of this is real. It all comes from the mind of writer John Irving. It's in his book "The Water Method Man." (See earlier post.)
Happy Throgsgafen, everyone!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
The last Rolling Stones tour...
In one of my rambling dreams last night - the type I've been having since I started my newest meds - I was at a Rolling Stones concert. What made this extra weird was that Paul Simon - who seemed like a composite of Paul, John Denver and Cat Stevens - was opening. And, it was being held in what seemed like a high school cafeteria. Also, I had a strong impression that this was the last Stones tour ever.
Due to the small space, we (my friend Chuck was with me) were very close to the stage and seated in the type of chairs you would find in a cafeteria.
At one point, during Paul's set, some kids (there were lots of kids there, for some reason) walked in front of the stage on their way to the concession stand, or the rest rooms. This angered Paul and he began making up a song about rude kids.
I had brought a guitar with me (?) and at one point, during the opening set, Mick Jagger, who was just milling about, said he would sign it for me. A girl sitting next to me, shoved a tin lid, of some kind, under my nose. I pushed her hand away. The lid contained some sort of granular drug that I was supposed to snort. "No thanks" I said.
Boy, that Paul/John/Cat guy was a jerk!
Due to the small space, we (my friend Chuck was with me) were very close to the stage and seated in the type of chairs you would find in a cafeteria.
At one point, during Paul's set, some kids (there were lots of kids there, for some reason) walked in front of the stage on their way to the concession stand, or the rest rooms. This angered Paul and he began making up a song about rude kids.
I had brought a guitar with me (?) and at one point, during the opening set, Mick Jagger, who was just milling about, said he would sign it for me. A girl sitting next to me, shoved a tin lid, of some kind, under my nose. I pushed her hand away. The lid contained some sort of granular drug that I was supposed to snort. "No thanks" I said.
Boy, that Paul/John/Cat guy was a jerk!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Dull Glow of One's Veneer.
When I'm alone and lonely, I crave the love of another human. Someone who will stick by my side, to the bitter end. When I'm with someone, when we're talking and having a lovely time, I treasure my independence - even if they're perfectly sweet and smart.
It could be that I just haven't met THE ONE, if you can believe in such a thing.
I bought some prune juice today. I read labels and everything. Made an informed decision.
I'm listening to Brian Eno's "Apollo (Atmospheres and Landscapes)." I don't have this one on CD, so, even though I love it, I don't play it as often as some of the others. Daniel Lanois and Roger Eno accompany him.
I don't know about that prune juice. Something told me that I needed some in my diet - and it's got lots of potassium - but, I just had a swig and...well, maybe I need to get it really cold. Yeah, that might help.
So, walking and sitting and talking on a beach, at night, in November - a rather pleasant night in November - is a fine thing indeed, in and of itself. A big, bright, nearly full, moon is an added treat. Nothing new to report, though. My views, your views. My problems and yours. Let's pass some time, maybe hold hands, and not hurt each other, ourselves, or anybody else. In our modern existence, this is considered a top notch evening. All you could ever realistically hope for.
It's in the low 70s today. Sunday. I have on a tee shirt and some shorts. No shoes.
I have several good DVDs I haven't watched yet. I bought something good to eat. It's very quiet here. Only the dreamy sounds of Eno, on vinyl.
I'm burning incense, in a home-made burner I constructed. Well, I drilled a hole in a fish-shaped bottle that once contained a Liebfraumilch. It was the first bottle of wine my ex wife and I bought together, right after we got married. In another life-time.
The incense is some kind of dark eastern spice. I love the spice scents, but I have a special place in my heart for strawberry. That was the first incense I ever smelled. And bought.
People live in fantasy worlds today. Maybe they always have. I dunno. There doesn't seem to be any foundation to their desires. No infrastructure. There's a big, gaping, hole at the center of their "realities" - and a flimsy facade that projects all they have to offer. Scratch for instant disappointment. Or, harden yourself and expect the worst. Or, the least. Or, nothing at all.
I'm often made to feel ridiculous for being passionate. It used to be considered noble. Poetry and literature and art and music were higher callings. Not anymore. Now it's all commodified wall paper. The dull glow of one's veneer.
I think most people are emotional cowards.
It could be that I just haven't met THE ONE, if you can believe in such a thing.
I bought some prune juice today. I read labels and everything. Made an informed decision.
I'm listening to Brian Eno's "Apollo (Atmospheres and Landscapes)." I don't have this one on CD, so, even though I love it, I don't play it as often as some of the others. Daniel Lanois and Roger Eno accompany him.
I don't know about that prune juice. Something told me that I needed some in my diet - and it's got lots of potassium - but, I just had a swig and...well, maybe I need to get it really cold. Yeah, that might help.
So, walking and sitting and talking on a beach, at night, in November - a rather pleasant night in November - is a fine thing indeed, in and of itself. A big, bright, nearly full, moon is an added treat. Nothing new to report, though. My views, your views. My problems and yours. Let's pass some time, maybe hold hands, and not hurt each other, ourselves, or anybody else. In our modern existence, this is considered a top notch evening. All you could ever realistically hope for.
It's in the low 70s today. Sunday. I have on a tee shirt and some shorts. No shoes.
I have several good DVDs I haven't watched yet. I bought something good to eat. It's very quiet here. Only the dreamy sounds of Eno, on vinyl.
I'm burning incense, in a home-made burner I constructed. Well, I drilled a hole in a fish-shaped bottle that once contained a Liebfraumilch. It was the first bottle of wine my ex wife and I bought together, right after we got married. In another life-time.
The incense is some kind of dark eastern spice. I love the spice scents, but I have a special place in my heart for strawberry. That was the first incense I ever smelled. And bought.
People live in fantasy worlds today. Maybe they always have. I dunno. There doesn't seem to be any foundation to their desires. No infrastructure. There's a big, gaping, hole at the center of their "realities" - and a flimsy facade that projects all they have to offer. Scratch for instant disappointment. Or, harden yourself and expect the worst. Or, the least. Or, nothing at all.
I'm often made to feel ridiculous for being passionate. It used to be considered noble. Poetry and literature and art and music were higher callings. Not anymore. Now it's all commodified wall paper. The dull glow of one's veneer.
I think most people are emotional cowards.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Obsessions. The Water Method Man.
This is the first John Irving book I ever read - and, probably my introduction to the "modern" novel. Up until then, I had been reading mostly classics. I wish I still had my original copy. The cover had a rendering of "Bogus" Trumper, with a Viking style helmet on and photo lenses for glasses. Much cooler. Makes perfect sense, if you read the book. I loaned that copy to a friend, back in the 80s. She, in turn, loaned me Saul Bellow's "Herzog." We never traded back, but, at least, I was introduced to Bellow.
The back cover of that original copy had a blurb which said something like, "His complaint was much worse than Portnoy's. Portnoy didn't have to drink all that water..." And that's how I became aware of Phillip Roth.
Anyway... I love the characters in this book. I've kept re-reading it over the years (it's about time to read it again). And, even though I've read all of Irving's novels, this one is still my favorite.
I once loaned a copy of "The Water Method Man" to my best friend Chuck. He was in an auto accident, in which he flipped his car in a ditch. Luckily, he survived. The book, which was in his car, was soaked with ditch water. He gave it back to me, with the pages all swollen. I still have it. (And him.)
The back cover of that original copy had a blurb which said something like, "His complaint was much worse than Portnoy's. Portnoy didn't have to drink all that water..." And that's how I became aware of Phillip Roth.
Anyway... I love the characters in this book. I've kept re-reading it over the years (it's about time to read it again). And, even though I've read all of Irving's novels, this one is still my favorite.
I once loaned a copy of "The Water Method Man" to my best friend Chuck. He was in an auto accident, in which he flipped his car in a ditch. Luckily, he survived. The book, which was in his car, was soaked with ditch water. He gave it back to me, with the pages all swollen. I still have it. (And him.)
Brrrrr!
Judas H. Christmas, I'm cold this morning!
I don't think many people could survive in this drafty old house of mine. My fingers are so frigid I can hardly type. It's suppose to warm up to 70 today, but it's kinda hard to imagine that, right now. I was thinking about going to the flea market, but jeez, I might have to wait a bit.
God, I hate cold weather! I wish I was lying on a tropical beach, somewhere.
I don't think many people could survive in this drafty old house of mine. My fingers are so frigid I can hardly type. It's suppose to warm up to 70 today, but it's kinda hard to imagine that, right now. I was thinking about going to the flea market, but jeez, I might have to wait a bit.
God, I hate cold weather! I wish I was lying on a tropical beach, somewhere.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Obsessions. Leonardo da Vinci.
Leonardo da Vinci, the Universal Genius: Painter, inventor, engineer, scientist, musician. He was said to have been extremely strong, good looking and a great dancer. Some believe he was bisexual or gay. In fact, someone, using computer imaging, superimposed one of Leonardo's self portraits on the Mona Lisa and they lined up perfectly - thereby suggesting it was actually a self portrait in drag!
I have been fascinated by Leonardo since I was about 10. I loved all of the Renaissance artists when I was a kid, but Leonardo was - and still is - my hero.
(I'm not even going to mention that stupid book and movie...)
I have been fascinated by Leonardo since I was about 10. I loved all of the Renaissance artists when I was a kid, but Leonardo was - and still is - my hero.
(I'm not even going to mention that stupid book and movie...)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Obsessions. David Bowie.
I love Bowie! From Folkie to Ziggy to Blue (and green) Eyed Soul Man to Thin White Duke to Top 40 "Let's Dance" Superstar to the well adjusted artist he is today - I love it all. If I was forced, at gun point, to choose only one of his albums to take to a desert island, it would have to be "Diamond Dogs."
God, what a decision!
(Photo by Mick Rock, of course.)
God, what a decision!
(Photo by Mick Rock, of course.)
Obsessions. Andy Warhol.
I don't know why, exactly, but I've been obsessed with Andy, the Velvets and the whole Factory thing for a very long time. I still have a soup can trash can I got when I was 9 or 10. I've often dreamed of my own Factory type situation, where talented people met and interacted.
I will often pick up "The Andy Warhol Diaries," say to myself, "Let's see what Andy's doing," and open it up to a random page. I just keep reading that thing, over and over.
This picture comes from a beautiful book of photos by Stephen Shore, called "The Velvet Years."
I will often pick up "The Andy Warhol Diaries," say to myself, "Let's see what Andy's doing," and open it up to a random page. I just keep reading that thing, over and over.
This picture comes from a beautiful book of photos by Stephen Shore, called "The Velvet Years."
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